But before I can confirm that Tommy Wiseau’s intentions are indeed disgusting, the DVD skips a massively inconvenient chunk of the movie.  What a shame.  What I do catch though is the little girl eavesdropping on Tommy and a singer who is singing and…  It skips again.

I now learn that Tommy Wiseau is a singing teacher, and I get to see something to do with friendship, and also some drama (girl falls down a waterfall), before girl goes on to win the state singing finals. Hooray!

Except Tommy Wiseau is beaten to death by the townspeople, and I realise that if I hadn’t have…bought a defective DVD, I would probably be crying.

No I’m actually serious, Tommy Wiseau really was beaten to death by a gang of otherwise polite and courtly towns- folk, and even though I missed most of the movie due to it skipping, this was actually a very emotional way to round off a movie about a disfigured freak and his twelve-year-old girlfriend.

The End.

But what about the Parents Guide for Family Discussion?

I think it would be very disingenuous of me to take the time to skip through…I mean, watch…the movie and not play along with the stupid parents guide business. So these are my answers to it’s thoughtful questions.

Q1: Oh come on. Have you ever met Ribaldi? He’s a mutant who’s favourite hobby is scaring the shit out of people and hating everyone. What did you expect?

Q2: I scream, disfigure my own face, and then spend the rest of my life playing the piano.

Q3: As everyone knows, if you soften your heart, you might get a decent tip (and molested)

Q4: They attacked a monster because that’s what townspeople are for. And yes, I’ve jumped to my own wrong conclusions, ABOUT THIS FUCKING FILM.

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