Feature Films For Families: A Bad Movie – Bad Review

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Horse Crazy

Horse Crazy!

Horse Crazy!

I’ll make this quick, which should be easy enough to do considering that this DVD was also…defective…and seemed to skip all the boring bits.  Horse Crazy is a sickeningly heart-warming tale about a trio of kids who are so horny for horses that they repeatedly risk their lives in search of adventure. And horses.  An average Joe 12 year old falls in love with a fake cowboy child who then elopes with him and his sister, to find horses.

Meanwhile, two bad-guy horse rustlers decide to rustle a horse. I imagine that the reason they are willing to waste their time on something so painfully retarded is because the economy in modern day America is clearly fucked, and this thrilling heist has more chance of a payout than social security benefit fraud.

Despite the horse rustlers evident learning disorders, they successfully make off with a horse. However, our intrepid school children end up embroiled in all things shenanigan, with all the usual running, chasing, hiding, kidnapping, rescuing, and horses.

However, the details of how and why these hijinks take place, are a little vague as my DVD kept…you get the picture.  So, some very gentle drama happens, as does mild chasing sequences.  Eventually, the kids outwit the bad guys, but not before some even milder to-ing and fro-ing, and of course, the laying of booby-traps.  They predictably win the day and ride off in to the sunset, and I learn that horse rustling is bad, and being good is good.

The also end.

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