Film Review with Robert Mann – Fred: The Movie

19th December 2010

Fred: The Movie NO STARS

If a trial is ever held for those who have committed the biggest crimes against entertainment, YouTube will have a lot to answer for, in particular the creation of Fred Figglehorn. A fictional character created and portrayed by American “comedy” actor Lucas Cruikshank, Fred is the star of a series of videos on the popular video-sharing site, a teenager with a dysfunctional home life and anger management issues, not to mention the most squeaky high pitched voice your likely to ever hear come out of anyone’s mouth.
With an amazing 47 videos (that’s four seasons worth) of “official” (mini) episodes along with numerous other videos, among them music videos, Fred’s antics have attracted as many as 25 million (yes, you read that right) viewers at its very highest peak and his YouTube channel is the most popular and subscribed of all time on the site. If ever there was a bigger sign that good taste in entertainment has gone out of the window I have certainly yet to see it. In preparation for this review I decided to take a look at some of Fred’s videos on YouTube and what I found there was some of the most downright annoying and creatively bankrupt drivel I have ever seen, Fred’s voice grating more than a cheese grater being rubbed against human skin and the show so unfunny as to make even the “jokes” themselves painful to watch. Just why anyone would want to watch this even for free is beyond me and now they’ve gone and made a movie out of it – that’s what reaching 25 million viewers gets you. Although British viewers, prepare for some shocking news: you’re being ripped off – apparently, Fred: The Movie was actually made as a TV movie and in the states it has already aired for FREE while here any ‘Fred’ fans (if there any of you out there you appal me) in the UK will have to pay full the price of a cinema ticket to see it. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend that anyone see this film even for free – the popularity of stuff like this is the reason why studios continue to invest in rubbish movies over quality films. In short, Fred: The Movie sucks just like the YouTube shorts that have preceded it.

Fred Figglehorn (Lucas Cruickshank) is a socially awkward 15 year old who no one seems to be able to stand, not even his own mother (Siobhan Fallon Hogan), and who has a mad crush on his beautiful and popular next door neighbour, Judy (Pixie Lott), who barely seems to be aware of his existence. Fred repeatedly tries to woo Judy but finds his attempts thwarted at every turn by his nemesis, local bully Kevin (Jake Weary), and when he finally does get up the courage to approach Judy about his attraction he discovers that she has moved away and thus Fred, spurred on by his forceful imaginary father (John Cena), sets out on a journey across the city to find here. And when he finally makes it to her new house he crashes a party she is hosting, only to publically ruin her evening. After Kevin posts a video on YouTube showing the incident, Fred cooks up a revenge plan with friend and fellow social outcast Bertha (Jennette McCurdy), which involves faking a party of his own to make him look super-popular at school. All along the way Fred never misses an opportunity to completely humiliate himself or throw one of his infamous temper tantrums.

Oh my god, I think my brain just melted. If you think Fred is annoying in his short videos on YouTube, just try sitting through 1 hour 20 minutes of him – that’s 1 hour 20 minutes too long. There really is nothing funny about Fred Figglehorn and with that nothing funny about Fred: The Movie. As Fred, Lucas Cruickshank’s voice is so high pitched that it cuts through you like a knife through butter and it is so painful to hear that I almost felt like my ears were going to bleed. And if you think it is bad when he is just talking to the audience – something which would prove annoying here anyway even if it weren’t Fred doing the talking – just imagine what it is like when he is throwing a temper tantrum – which is basically all he really does throughout the film – or screaming out loud or singing so badly that he wouldn’t even get past the audition stage on The X Factor. His voice really is almost torturous to hear and we really can see why virtually every character in the film can’t stand him as we certainly can’t either. His voice isn’t to blame for this though as Fred isn’t even an especially likable character, coming across like a stalker for much of the duration and only really earning our sympathy in one scene, which is not enough to make up for how annoying he is both before and afterwards – and he really is annoying, Lucas Cruickshank really not talented at all, just irritating. Essentially, the entire film considers of temper tantrums, screaming and bad singing and all linked together with little that actually resembles plot, abysmal dialogue, secondary characters that often aren’t that much less annoying than Fred himself – okay, they are a lot less annoying but still annoying nonetheless – and one gag after another that completely fails to raise a single laugh, only make you cringe and squirm like you may have never before done at a cinema, the film coming across like a very bad sketch stretched out to feature length. The writing is plain bad, coming across as amateurish and you may even think that Cruickshank himself is behind it but in actuality the writing comes courtesy of David A. Goodman, who actually has a decent track record as a TV writer having written for such shows as Family Guy, Futurama and Enterprise – what on earth possessed him to even be involved with this film is beyond me. Additionally, god only knows why Pixie Lott would choose to make her acting debut in this, a film where she gets thrown up on or why the likes of John Cena and Siobhan Fallon Hogan would choose to appear, or even Jennette McCurdy for that matter. Lott displays some potential as an actress but here is completely wasted and the same is true of McCurdy who has shown much potential on TV show iCarly, none of which is really evident here. Add to all this amateurish TV style production values – it was made as a TV movie after all – and you have a film that isn’t entertainment, rather torture, the only thing that even comes close to redeeming the film being the occasional song performed by Pixie Lott but even this can’t save such a turd of a movie. To say that the film outstays it welcome would be an understatement – just five minutes of Fred would be outstaying its welcome and with this running 1 hour 20 minutes you may well feel brain dead upon leaving the cinema if you do foolishly choose to see it. The only thing positive that can be said about the film is that perhaps on some level it actually realises how bad it is. At one point Fred says to us “Why do people even watch other people on YouTube…I don’t get it, I just don’t” – I couldn’t have put it better myself, I certainly don’t get why anyone would choose to watch Fred Figglehorn online and definitely don’t understand why anyone would actually pay to see something so mind-numbingly stupid on the big screen. Is Fred: The Movie the most awful thing you might see on the big screen this year? Without a doubt.

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Review by Robert Mann BA (Hons)

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