Michael Bay’s Facebook Profile by Michael Bay (with Akiva Goldsman)

film reviews | movies | features | BRWC Michael Bay's Facebook Profile by Michael Bay (with Akiva Goldsman)

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Michael Benjamin Bay

Lives In: Hollywood CA, Steven Spielberg’s Ass
Married To: Michael Bay
Knows: English, Ghetto English, Spanglish, Blackanese, Jew, Boomboomsplosion Noises, LeBeoufismness, Mouth Trumpet
Birthday: February 17th 1965
From: Hell

Education and Work
Employers:
Me, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Richard Marx, Satan, Meat Loaf
High School:
San Dimas High
College:
Harvard (my acceptance and time there inspired the hit 1986 film, Soul Man.)
Philosophy
Religious Views:
Whichever deity has caused the most explosions is the one that I pray to. Also, I’m like kind of Jewish.
Political Views:
National Socialist German Worker’s Party
Favorite Quotations:
I allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff. I always feel planned. “- Michael Bay
Arts and Entertainment
Music:
Nickelback, Aerosmith, Creed, Will Smith, Tone Loc, The Divynls, Menudo, Anne Murray
Books:
An Idiot’s Guide to Filmmaking by Michael Bay, Chicken Soup for the Hole by Stephanie Meyer, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss, Explosions: A Retrospective by Michael Bay
Movies:
Bad Boys, Bad Boys II, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, The Island, Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Highlander II: The Quickening, North, Waterworld, Ishtar, 1941, Howard the Duck, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Barb Wire, Jaws The Revenge, The Holcroft Covenant, Battlefield Earth, Excessive Force 2: Force on Force, Rashomon
Television:
She’s the Sheriff, Muppet Babies
Activities and Interests
Interests:
Bewbs, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Chicks, Explosions, Breasts, Excessive Excessiveness, Double Explosions, Tits, Mushroom Clouds, Robots, Ladies, Kissing Epically More Talented Richer Than God Jewish Guys Asses, Cars, Wasting Money, Poorly Conceived Racial Humor, Shia LeBeouf, Fart Jokes
Activities:
Directing Images That Move And Have Sound That Goes With Them
Being Tall
Being A Douchebag
Objectifying Women
Objectifying Cars
Objectifying Objects
Masturbating While Driving And Looking At Pictures Of Hot Chicks
Ruining Childhood Memories
Remaking Films
Basic Information
About You:
Multi-Billion Dollar companies give me gargantuan sums of money to take a lot of metal bits, black people and boobies, shove them through a wood chipper aimed at a camera, set it to hard rockin’ tunes, super impose some explosions and release it as a two hour incoherent theatrical trailer. Also, I directed Donny Osmond’s seminal 1989 Music Video, Soldier of Love.
Interested In:
Women, More Specifically Bewbs
Relationship Status:
Married: To Michael Bay
Anniversary:
June 13th 1980
Sex:
Extra Manly
Contact Information
Mobile: 555-555-5555
AIM: CarzRkewl666
Facebook: facebook.com/TheDevilsCornhole

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