Lives In: Hollywood CA, Steven Spielberg’s Ass

Married To: Michael Bay

Knows: English, Ghetto English, Spanglish, Blackanese, Jew, Boomboomsplosion Noises, LeBeoufismness, Mouth Trumpet

Birthday: February 17th 1965

From: Hell

Me, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Richard Marx, Satan, Meat Loaf

San Dimas High

Harvard (my acceptance and time there inspired the hit 1986 film, Soul Man.)

Whichever deity has caused the most explosions is the one that I pray to. Also, I’m like kind of Jewish.

National Socialist German Worker’s Party

“I allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff. I always feel planned. “- Michael Bay

Nickelback, Aerosmith, Creed, Will Smith, Tone Loc, The Divynls, Menudo, Anne Murray

An Idiot’s Guide to Filmmaking by Michael Bay, Chicken Soup for the Hole by Stephanie Meyer, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss, Explosions: A Retrospective by Michael Bay

Bad Boys, Bad Boys II, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, The Island, Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Highlander II: The Quickening, North, Waterworld, Ishtar, 1941, Howard the Duck, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Barb Wire, Jaws The Revenge, The Holcroft Covenant, Battlefield Earth, Excessive Force 2: Force on Force, Rashomon

She’s the Sheriff, Muppet Babies

Bewbs, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Chicks, Explosions, Breasts, Excessive Excessiveness, Double Explosions, Tits, Mushroom Clouds, Robots, Ladies, Kissing Epically More Talented Richer Than God Jewish Guys Asses, Cars, Wasting Money, Poorly Conceived Racial Humor, Shia LeBeouf, Fart Jokes

Directing Images That Move And Have Sound That Goes With Them

Being Tall

Being A Douchebag

Objectifying Women

Objectifying Cars

Objectifying Objects

Masturbating While Driving And Looking At Pictures Of Hot Chicks

Ruining Childhood Memories

Remaking Films

Multi-Billion Dollar companies give me gargantuan sums of money to take a lot of metal bits, black people and boobies, shove them through a wood chipper aimed at a camera, set it to hard rockin’ tunes, super impose some explosions and release it as a two hour incoherent theatrical trailer. Also, I directed Donny Osmond’s seminal 1989 Music Video, Soldier of Love.

Women, More Specifically Bewbs

Married: To Michael Bay

June 13^th 1980

Extra Manly

Website: www.michaelbay.com

Email: boobiesRkewl@michaelbay.com

Mobile: 555-555-5555

AIM: CarzRkewl666

Facebook: facebook.com/TheDevilsCornhole