Author: BRWC

  • A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010

    A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010

    I neglected to include the reboot, reimagining, or remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street in my dissection of the series on the whole because 1. I hadn’t seen the film at the time (nor had I planned to.) And 2. Because I hold the original film to such a high regard and have such love for the Englund based series of films on the whole (no matter how dumb some of them were) that I couldn’t bring myself to watch the ‘2.0’ version.

    Needless to say, boredom, availability and my sadistic impulse to see JUST how bad some movies are, often gets the best of me (say hello Snakes on a Train!)…

    Before I get to the “review” itself I must say that I try not to publicly eviscerate any film (I save that for private conversations with my friends, such as the by-the-minute text review I sent my buddy Kaleb during THIS film.)

    While I do LOVE reading bad reviews, I don’t like writing them because I feel it better to promote good films you love and respect or bad movies that are so bad that they achieve a level of sainted perfection so wondrous it must be shared…

    This review will be neither of the above things. It will be a scathing rant.

    In general I do not like most modern remakes, but I am not wholly against them, as a lot of people are, just because they are remakes. I liked Zach Synder’s Dawn of the Dead and rather enjoyed the redoing of Last House on the Left (considering how shitty the original is ANYTHING would be an improvement.) Then of course there are the more overtly well regarded remakes such as 1978’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1988’s The Blob and of course John Carpenter’s masterful version of The Thing (to name a few.) Most modern remakes however are of the trashy, quick, cheap and vapid “we’re remaking this because we own the title or franchise of the originals and people know those movies so naturally they’ll come see the new version” type (ie what the new, new version of The Thing appears to be from it’s trailer.)

    The original Elm Street (as I mentioned previously) is a low budget masterpiece of horror. Done on $1.8 million, Wes Craven and his talented band of actors and crew crafted a psychologically demented, fairly intellectual, exceedingly atmospheric, visually ambitious, utterly visceral horror experience that helped shape and change the face of the genre for an entire generation.

    Nightmare 2.0 is not.

    Nightmare 2.0 is complete and utter garbage on every level, from the first frame to the last, behind the camera and in front of it. A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5 The Dream Child is Citizen Kane by comparison.

    Hell, if you took that little near series killing bit at the end of Friday the 13th Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan, where Jason’s mask gets ripped off and he screams in a childlike voice “Mommy!” and stretched it into a 90 minute film it’d be better than Elm Street 2.0….

    In fact…. There is an old (fairly bad) comedy video I did in which song writer Jim Steinman babysits a drunk girl (don’t ask); in this video there is a 2 second shot of said drunk girl drooling and looking blandly past the camera; if you took just that little bit and put it on loop for 90 minutes it would be a more enriching cinematic experience, with deeper characterization and greater emotional impact!

    Long gone are the carefully crafted and suspenseful ‘reality to nightmare’ transitions and blurring of the lines between the two worlds (that even the sequels managed to do expertly); instead we get a flat, lifeless visual style similar to that of any TV show that might be presented on the CW.

    Basically if Beige were a horror film, it would be Nightmare 2.0 (and probably a lot scarier.) No more are the halcyon days of excellent to decent acting found in the first film (and once again the sequels), in its stay are a parade of personality devoid Barbies and Kens either woodenly forcing their way through half baked lines and trite exposition, or mush mouthing the banal dialog in a faux-emo perpetuation of an approximation of bad method acting. (Also, the score is the atypical, done entirely by computer crap found in most movies of this type these days. The original theme is only heard once, briefly, over the horribly CGIed title Card. The rest is just droning synth violins, jump stings and drum beats. Aside of course for one woefully out of place bit of somber Celtic Choir and Ethereal Orchestral arrangement.)

    We are no longer treated to likeable or individual characters (PARTICULARLY found in the sequels, ie the Dream Warriors), everyone is the same. The writers might have well named them A, B, and C, because that is about the same level of impression they made. As is often the case the bulk of the “High School” aged characters appear to be in their late 20’s (unlike in the original when the 20 something actors at least SEEMED like they could be 17.) And, perhaps as an homage to the white bread original (I doubt it) there isn’t even the usual PC, token black friend in this film (although there is an Asian character who gets about 2 seconds of screen time.) One character gets a tad bit of attempted “depth” in his execution in that he is named “Quentin.” You see late in the film Quentin delivers an adrenaline shot to the chest of a friend… Like in Pulp Fiction, directed by Quentin Tarantino… (Just let that chestnut of film school caliber witticism set in with you.)

    All of the nightmare sequences in the film are presented so brazenly as being dream sequences (flat, lifeless, unmemorable and clichéd dream sequences) they might as well have a flashing neon sign pop on screen bashing the fact in with a shovel (oh wait, they did, during the first one, when it cuts to “dream” mode “subtle” red and green flashes of neon light hit the dreamer’s face.)Every pretense of keeping the audience in the dark and surprising them in some way has been disbanded. Also, as is de rigeur with modern horror films there is zero attempt at generating suspense of any sort; instead we get the always unappreciated “let the soundtrack go silent for a beat, then have a jump sting on the score and have something out of place edit into frame ‘menacingly’” type deals.

    The one scene that ALMOST garnered some level of decency ends with the most god awful jump scare I have EVER seen (and I did see the remake of The Fog theatrically), was a dream sequence in which they subtly increase the size and amount of bookshelves in the background of a library as the dreamer walks along becoming increasingly weary of the situation (ie showing no emotion at all) until he comes to a table where Fred Krueger sits (leaving ample opportunity for more capable hands to have Freddy reading something humorous, maybe Goosebumps or Nancy Drew); anyways, once at said table what appears to be a still image of Krueger (making no discernable facial expression, menacing or otherwise), randomly jump cuts backwards, facing the dreamer while loud music blares on the score… That’s it. That was the scare. (Yes, terror via bad photoshopping, this is what we have come to.)

    Oh, and speaking of Krueger… Jesus wept! Jackie Earl Haley (a fine actor under most circumstances) delivers a performance so God awful I can hardly find words to describe it… But, let me try…

    Vocally, imagine a more heavily retarded Forrest Gump channeling Christian Bale’s Clint Eastwoodian-with throat cancer Batman and you’ll get close. Visually, the beyond shitty burn make-up/piss poor CGI ends up turning Haley/Krueger into not so much an object of abject terror to be feared and dreaded, but more like the bastard offspring of Edward James Olmos and James Hong (seriously, Cropsy from The Burning looks like a more realistic burn victim.) Physically Haley does resemble Englund, and some of his one liners would be good IF it were Englund delivering them, but really Haley has nothing to do but walk around scraping his (at times comically oversized glove) on things creating sparks (horribly inaccurate, edited in sparks) and being randomly (and poorly) edited into the scenes by way of jump cuts.

    Plot wise the film is basically its own unholy device, careening along from random nightmare, to random nightmare, with no real rhyme or reason, occasionally name checking a line of dialog or iconic moment from the original, while also adding to the mix a few bits of horror cliché (random walking around the attic-in-the-dark scene) and gratuitous lots of hot guys in speedo scene that the original was SORELY lacking in. The film’s only mild bit of originality (and it could have worked VERY well in other hands) was that in the final act they clearly made Krueger a child molester as opposed to a child killer. And, SPOLIER ALERT, all of the High School aged murder victims in the film were previously his molestation victims (that told on him) at the pre-school he worked at (as a gardener, and yes, we do get a shot of pre-burn Freddy holding a three pronged garden trowel) before becoming a dream jumping serial murderer.

    However, the film botches it’s one unique touch by 1. Freddy being presented as possibly innocent for most of the film. 2. Revealing all of the information in a convoluted, yet completely uninteresting manner. And, 3. Glossing over all of the darker implications that go along with the subject matter, instead relying solely on the fact that implicitly stating that someone was a child molester should make you shit your pants.

    (On a side note, I always assumed Freddy of yesterday was both a molester AND a killer of children. That’s what kept made him so scary in the first 3 films and what made his descent into comedic anti-hero of the series even more darkly humorous.)

    Basically (if I haven’t already) I can sum up the whole of the film in 2 ways…

    First, the equivalent scene of Tina’s “being dragged around the room and slashed up” death (terrifying, unique and blood soaked originally) from the first, can be found in this film… However “Tina” looks EXACTLY like Tori Spelling in Scary Movie 2 (right down to the Football Jersey) and the filming of the scene comes across as laugh out loud funny due to the fact that she gets thrown around the (too brightly lit) room like a rag doll and then slashed ONE nearly bloodless time.

    Second, from IMDB’s Trivia for the film… “John Saxon was offered a cameo in the film, he turned it down as he could not fit it into his schedule.”

    -247 out of 10 “Hilariously Inept Final Shots (Which Try and Replicate the Mother Killing Kicker of the Original but Fail Miserably in the Process)”

  • BRWC Is 3: A Walk Down Elm Street

    BRWC Is 3: A Walk Down Elm Street

    In honor of Battle Royale With Cheese’s Third Anniversary, my third (and last, unless someone just BEGS me to do the Amityvilles, Children Of The Corns, or Hellraisers) Horror movie franchise dissection!

    I talked about the history and evolution of “modern” horror and the slasher film genre, in specific, in my review of the Halloween AND Friday the 13th Series, so I’ll try not to repeat myself too much here.

    Horror as we know it today and it’s various aspects/off shoots were formed in the mid to late 70’s. Europe’s emphasis on sex, viciousness and stylish, but implausible murders over characterization, coherency and plot slowly infected us over here in the states. And then, we unleashed a spate of profitable “Giallo-Inspired” films (Halloween, Black Christmas, Friday the 13th, etc.) and the Horror, or more specifically Slasher, genre was made quite bankable and more than acceptable by the masses at large.

    By 1984, for the most part, true horror, terror and suspense had been totally replaced with the esoteric trappings of the “slasher film.” Friday the 13th and it’s various knock-offs (Terror Train, Prom Night, My Blood Valentine, The Prowler, The Burning, et. Al) had pretty much drained the well and left horror (and the Slasher) on it’s last legs (YES this early in the 80’s.)

    Sensing that Horror needed it’s ass kicked, along came Wes Craven (you MAY have heard of him), an inventive writer/director, more than capable of handling a low budget AND Horror, who already had a few big genre hits under his belt (Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes and to a lesser extent Swamp Thing) to put a new face to the genre… A horribly burned, raspy voiced, razor clawed face…

    A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

    Directed By Wes Craven

    Starring Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon and Robert Englund

    A group of High School friends (led by Nancy Thompson, played by Heather Langenkamp) are suffering from a shared, horrific nightmare, involving a badly burned man in a green and red Christmas sweater, stalking them through an expansive, hellish boiler room. This nightmare is starting to do more than leave dark circles under their eyes though… it’s starting to kill them.

    You see, the man in their dreams is Fred Krueger (Robert Englund), a vicious child murderer, whom the Elm Street kid’s parents torched, vigilante style, years before.

    Now Freddy is back and getting his revenge through the dreams of his killer’s offspring. And, if they don’t get smart, tough and tenacious they will all succumb to the Nightmare on Elm Street…

    The wave of modern horror that began in the 60’s, but was perfected in the 70’s, made a conscious effort to remove the unreal and the supernatural from its terror. The horror became grounded in reality. Any Joe on the street could slit your throat for no reason. No more castle-bound Dracula’s or unbelievable men in rubber suits. True scariness is in your backyard… And, while this is a great sentiment and fairly accurate for the most part, by the mid 80’s, as I mentioned up above, the “realistic horror film” had kind of been killed. So, what is one to do when faced with this dilemma? Craft a seamless mashing together of the more realistic Slasher Film, with the dreamlike unreality of horror’s past.

    In other words a “real” flesh and blood killer that can get you anywhere, at anytime, asleep, awake or in between.

    This is what Wes Craven achieved with A Nightmare on Elm Street (the first one at least), a new, truly terrifying unstoppable force of horror. Craven took the conventions of the sagging Slasher Genre (indestructible killer, virginal final girl, excessive gore, large body count) and turned it on its head, while simultaneously injecting it with some much needed intelligence, style and wit; and, not only all that, he did it all very well. A Nightmare on Elm Street is a masterpiece of low budget cinema. The visual style alone would be enough to propel any movie to “classic” status, but then you throw in the mind boggling dream-to-reality effects, the complicated gore and make up effects, the beyond great (for the genre) acting, the originality of its premise and its execution and it’s wholly unique villain and you begin to understand why it is such a revered film (even though its own sequels have severely diminished its impact.)

    And, like Friday the 13th did 4 years before, Elm Street simultaneously changed horror again (for better or worse) and created a boom of Slasher films that incorporated or all out fell into the realm of dreams and the supernatural. This reinvigoration once again “saved” horror, albeit for a much briefer time frame and, then again, much like Friday the 13th Elm Streets own sequels (still to a lesser extent than the other series) slowly began to kill the genre it gave the facelift to in the first place…

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

    Directed By Jack Sholder

    Starring Robert Englund, Mark Patton and Kim Meyers

    5 Years have passed since the events of the first film. A new family has moved into the vacant Thompson household. The eldest child of the family, Jesse, has in fact moved into Nancy’s bedroom. Almost immediately, like Nancy before him, Jesse begins having nightmares about a horribly burned man in a red and green sweater. Only this time, unlike the previous film’s heroine, Jesse is alone in his bad dream having… And also, unlike Nancy, this terrifying man, this Fred Krueger doesn’t want to kill Jesse, he wants Jesse to do the killing for him…

    As friends and family members around him die and more and more strange events begin to occur, Jesse must piece together what’s going on inside him… or die trying.

    New Line Cinema had been a tiny, struggling distribution company, best known for churning out no budget exploitation and horror fares when Elm Street 1 was released. I’m sure the execs thought Elm Street would in fact be just another little flick, it of course was not. The film was such a massive success that it almost instantly propelled New Line to the upper echelon of the film world. To this day New Line is referred to as “the house that Freddy built.” To put that in perspective, this is coming from the same company that made and released The Lord of the Rings films.

    So, naturally as this was the prime era of the horror sequel, New Line wished to whore out their cash cow for all it was worth, as quickly as possible. Wes Craven was out as he had never wished for Elm Street to have a sequel (his original ending for the first film was a “happy one.” New Line made him add a “norm for the time” Kicker) so the production company plodded forward without him. They brought in Jack Sholder (of Alone in the Dark, the good one, also for New Line) to direct, star Robert Englund to return as Fred Krueger, ponied up a SLIGHT budget increase and made the film really, really, REALLY Gay.

    Yes, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is the greatest “coming to terms with one’s sexuality” films EVER made (as I mentioned in my “Favorite Gay Films” article.) Does that make it a good horror film and worthy sequel? Not necessarily. Is the film far better than most people give it credit for? Yes, definitely.

    The main factor in Freddy’s Revenge lack of awesomeness is that it was made and unleashed in LESS than a year after Elm Street 1’s release. And, while the budget may have been bigger, it wasn’t much bigger. The lack of time, planning and care going into Freddy’s Revenge gives it an undeniable cheapness and flatness, when compared to the stunning original. I’ve found (that much like myself) most people who deride the film don’t have anything against the overwhelming “Gayness”, but just the rushed, mixed bag nature of the film.

    The score by Christopher Young is damned fine, rivaling, if not bettering Charles Bernstein’s original for creepiness. A lot of the gore and make-up effects are astounding. And Freddy, in both look and demeanor is never scarier than he is in Elm Street 2. What makes the movie a bit “sucky” is just that it seemed like New Line really just wanted to put something on a the screen and out plopped this half-realized film.

    Despite being a step down, Freddy’s Revenge was still a hit, making back 10 times its budget. Realizing (thankfully) that they needed to be more respectful of and careful with their nest egg, New Line decided the next trip to Elm Street should have a bit more gravitas…

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

    Directed By Chuck Russell

    Starring Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp and John Saxon

    Set one year after the second film and six after the first, we enter this Elm Street in the nightmare of a gifted young girl named Kristen. Kristen you see has been dreaming of a certain house, a certain boiler room and a certain murderous burn victim, and this (as one would expect) has begun to drive her batty.

    So loco in fact her mother has her committed to Westin Hills Sanitarium after an attempted (Freddy induced) suicide. Once in the psychiatric ward Kristen becomes fast friends with a group of kids (all, also from Elm Street, gifted, and all also suffering from the same nightmares) and the new staff doctor…

    Nancy Thompson (once again, Heather Langenkamp.) Kristen and Nancy must then work together to stop the nightmares before each of the psychologically damaged kids, are destroyed one by one by Freddy!

    Dream Warrior’s is my favorite Elm Street film. It may not be better than the first film, but it certainly equals it and it is widely regarded as the best sequel.

    Wes Craven came back on board this time, with scripting duties (and the hopes to kill the franchise before it went further and slipped into horrendous crap [woopsie]) in an effort to return the series to its roots and expand the mythos of the Elm Street universe. Craven, along with future “director/writer of much acclaim” Frank Darabont teamed with the always inventive, but little respected, director Chuck Russell to craft a film that would blow the first sequel out of the water and do justice to the original. And, do that they did, admirably so.

    Dream Warrior’s greatest strength is in its characters. Much like the band of teenagers in the first film, the “Dream Warriors” are all flawed but likable kids, who have some intelligence and depth to them (couple that with the fact that there are some talented actors and actresses in the new cast [namely Patricia Arquette and Laurence Fishburne.]) Its next greatest strength is in returning to the stylish visual realm of the first film, if not outright surpassing it. The reality to dream transitions, nightmare sequences, camera work and visual effects of Elm Street 3 are all outstanding and really a high point in fantastic cinema.

    From the “puppet sequence” to the Freddy worm, to the boiler room from hell, each set piece seems to have had the utmost care put into their crafting AND more importantly they all feel organic to the story (as opposed to just being there cause they look cool.) Lastly, it’s of course nice to have the always enjoyable Heather Langenkamp back as Nancy, and John Saxon is ALWAYS a pleasure (no matter what garbage he’s in. I’m looking at you The Glove.)

    This sequel’s one weakness, if one wishes to call it that, is that this is the one in which Freddy kinda stopped being the “bad guy.” He’s still scary and deadly and menacing in this one, but he does spout his first real one liner in this one, a line that would change the rest of the series… for better or worse… mostly worse…

    “Welcome to prime time BITCH!”

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

    Directed By Renny Harlin

    Starring Robert Englund and Lisa Wilcox

    Picking up a short time after Part 3, the three surviving Dream Warriors have been released from Westin Hills and are leading relatively normal lives. Unfortunately though, they are having nightmares again, and you know what happens when you have nightmares in, around or perhaps even… ON… Elm Street…

    After being resurrected by flaming dog piss (yes, you read that right) Freddy is reborn into the dream world. He then offs the three characters (including final girl from the previous film Kristen, who transfers her Dream Warrior powers over to her BFF Alice [ Lisa Wilcox], as she bites it) we might mildly care about and begins chasing after the friends of said characters. The rest of the film is a bigger budgeted, more elaborate (but hollow) remake of Part 3.

    On the plus side of things, Nightmare 4 does LOOK amazing. In fact it’s probably the most aesthetically gorgeous slasher film ever made. No expense was spared to make sure the special effects, cinematography, reality to dream and nightmare sequences weren’t all out awesome to look at in this movie. The acting and actors are still more the serviceable, especially for the genre. And, the plot/dialog IS better than average for this sort of film…

    However, Dream Master adds nothing new to the series (other than death by roach trap) and is essentially a candy coated, style over substance, pretty much silly rehashing of its immediate predecessor. And, while yes, the film does look gorgeous and has some amazing set pieces, unlike the last film it seems like the “awesome bits” of this movie were written first, then the plot was constructed around it. Also, on the down side, it is with this film that Freddy full on became a comedian, instead of a violent child murderer. Yes, of course, he still brutally slaughters people (and raps with The Fat Boys), but this go round it’s funny!

    Despite the drop back down in terms of overall goodness, Dream Master was a massive success at the box office (the 2nd most successful in the series, behind future entry Freddy vs. Jason in 2003) and of course this meant it would spawn another trip to Elm Street… That trip ended up being the worst film in the series…

    A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

    Directed By Stephen Hopkins

    Starring Robert Englund and Lisa Wilcox

    A year after Part 4 Alice (final girl of the last film, still Lisa Wilcox) and her boyfriend are expecting a baby. There have been no Krueger intrusions and all seems to be going well, aside from a few bits of family related drama. This peace and relative tranquility naturally means that Freddy pops his head up… into Alice’s womb, effectively using the constant dream state of her unborn child to go after all of her friends, to thereby “eat” each of their souls and become reborn… through said, unborn child. Alice must team up with Freddy’s long dead (but perpetually still around) Mother (and Nun/Nurse/Massive Rape Victim/Owner of One Weird Ass Reproductive System) Amanda to stop the “son of 100 maniacs” before he is unleashed unto the world again!

    Sound stupid and convoluted, right? It is.

    The last film had been made and released a scant year after its predecessor, but didn’t feel and certainly didn’t look rushed, or cheap in any way (shallow as it was.) The Dream Child on the other hand definitely reeks of “scraping the bottom of the barrel,” especially in terms of the script and overall production quality.

    Using the perpetual ‘sleep’ state of an unborn child to work Freddy’s magic is a great idea and could have been potentially terrifying, were this in the hands of say David Cronenberg, or had there been more intelligence put into the affair. But as is, it solely exists as a deus ex machine to allow Freddy access to everyone at all times (and tie into the mumbo jumbo about his mother, kinda sorta hit on in the last two entries), nothing interesting ever comes from the concept.

    Stylistically, the film still looks better than the average slasher film (ie the similarly budgeted Friday the 13th Part VII: Jason Takes Manhattan [also the worst in its series] released the same year) but compared to the highs of 3 and 4… Meh. The set pieces are still fun and visually interesting, though, just noticeably lesser in imagination and execution than all the entries so far (aside from the semi-inspired MC Escheresque production design toward the end.)

    And then, just overall, everything about Part 5 seems tired and unloved. Particularly Englund as Krueger this go around. Normally Englund takes on every role (and every film, no matter how shitty) with great, hammy relish. But in Dream Child you can practically hear his eyes rolling under the make-up (no more so than during the much derided “Comic Book” sequence of the film.) Freddy’s one liners are insipid and flat, just like the rest of the film.

    The stupidity would continue forth though, as Dream Child did in fact turn a tidy profit, but this time, sensing that their gravy train was running off the track, the execs at New Line decided to kill Freddy and give us one final Nightmare…

    Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

    Directed By Rachel Talalay

    Starring Robert Englund and Liza Zane

    Set “Ten years in the future” (or from the last film ?) the town of Springwood (Freddy’s stomping grounds) has fallen into disarray and insanity. Every child and teenager is dead, save for one, a boy in his “late teens” who gets tossed out of town in the midst of a particularly retarded Nightmare (Freddy channeling the wicked witch of the west AND being a bus driver fit heavily into this) and ends up losing his memory (for the rest of the film he is called “John Doe.”) After this incident John manages to find his way to a large, unnamed city, and then get taken to a shelter for troubled youths.

    Once at the shelter John’s nightmares continue, and the counselor there, Maggie (Liza Zane) ties John’s dream to a recurring nightmare of her own. Maggie and John then decide to back trace his origins (based on an odd newspaper article in his pocket) and explore his psychosis (with a few other troubled youths in tow.) People get sliced n’ diced, there is much silliness, some Freddy back story, we find out that Maggie is (SPOILERS) actually Fred Krueger’s long lost daughter (taken from him during his child murderer days) and in the end Freddy’s beloved offspring must don 3-D glasses and jump into a painting of 3 wise cracking demonic worms (no, really) that are in fact the reason Freddy has his dream powers anyways! Will Maggie be able to destroy Freddy once and for all and save herself and the remaining kids in the process? (And, more importantly, does anyone care?)

    Despite my sarcasm in the plot description I actually LOVE Freddy’s Dead (even though it is pretty terrible.) It’s just SO cartoonish (literally at one point in the film Freddy becomes an 8 Bit Nintendo style game) and so over the top (one murder involves Freddy using an ever expanding chalkboard that he pulls out of nowhere to nail scrape a deaf kid’s head to exploding) that I can’t help but get off on its wackiness. The Dream Child may have been the first movie I saw in the theater (alongside Tim Burton’s Batman) but Freddy’s Dead holds a critic proof place in my heart from loving it as a child.

    The Final Nightmare is a film that defies comprehension, it is completely as if the people at New Line said “fuck it, no one cares anymore, just do Looney Tunes but with more decapitations.” And, that is exactly what Freddy’s Dead is. The film COULD have been good though. The serious bits are deadly serious; there are themes of child molestation and abuse, Freddy’s back story is quite dark and the brief glimpses into Fred’s time just before becoming the dream based killer we know him as are chilling. The transitions from reality to dream are the best and most disorienting in the series. And, the production design and style are an improvement over the last film.

    However, as a horror film, it doesn’t work in anyway.

    And, it would seem (at least for a while, the longest gap between films in the series anyways) that New Line truly was going to let Freddy stay dead. But an interesting, long gestating premise from and a return to the director’s chair from the creator of the series prompted a new film… And a new beginning…

    Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

    Directed By Wes Craven

    Starring Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon and Robert Englund

    Wes Craven has brought back the original cast and crew of A Nightmare on Elm Street to film a new movie that will hit the reset button on the series and take Freddy back to his dark, malevolent roots. Unfortunately for everyone involved in the project (especially Heather Langenkamp… as Heather Langenkamp) they’re all having nightmares, eerily realistic nightmares about the film and Fred Krueger… or someone LIKE him…

    Then, strange things start happening, people start dying and reality itself begins to rip apart at the seams… Is it all just another page in the New Nightmare script, or is this actually happening?

    It is hard to detail too much of the plot of New Nightmare without giving away its secrets (and they are wonderful secrets.) New Nightmare is a meta-film of the highest order. It seamlessly interweaves a “Nightmare on Elm Street-like story” with the goings on of the making of a new Nightmare on Elm Street film. Wes Craven plays Wes Craven, Heather Langenkamp harrowingly portrays Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund is himself, etc. By having the actual people play themselves (and at times of course, their characters) the film is dealt a sense of realism, terror and urgency missing since the first Elm Street.

    Stylistically the film is gorgeous, at once crafting its own visual presence apart from the series AND simultaneously (and intentionally) recreating, in an exacting manner, scenes from the original almost shot for shot. The special effects are top notch and the transitions from reality to dream are more subtle, but no less disorienting than they have been before. As with the first film, the acting is excellent (especially from Langenkamp) and it also doesn’t help that most of the cast members have aged exceptionally well (especially my main man John Saxon, he STILL to THIS day looks the same as he did in Enter the Dragon nearly 40 years ago.)

    Everything is so great about New Nightmare that it would, in my opinion, be the best in the series, a cinematic masterpiece even, were it not for three things: 1. Freddy’s “darker” look. “Evil Freddy’s” make-up just doesn’t work for me, never has. It looks fake and rubbery and is too well lit at most times. 2. Freddy’s new “biomechanical” glove. It looks like trash and isn’t scary in any way. 3. The ending. The film ends with a fantastical descent into “Hell” (by way of Dante) that is just totally out of place, both for the series and especially this film. Something more grounded in reality would have far better suited New Nightmare and have been genuinely frightening I’m sure (not that a giant, cartoonishly extending Freddy head [don’t ask] isn’t scary in SOME way… Oh, wait.)

    In any case though, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare is a pretty damned good film on it’s own; It semi-erased the mistakes of the latter end of the series and sent Freddy to hell. Around the same time another long running horror film series (Friday the 13th) had found a new home at New Line Cinema alongside Freddy and the company decided (as they actually had since around 1987) to pit Jason Voorhees against Fred Krueger. This was in 1993 and script issues, directors coming and going and the general stagnation of the horror industry (among many other factors) led to both Jason and Freddy staying dead for a decade (aside from Jason X) even though their early 90’s entries were their most critically acclaimed and different in ages.

    You can’t keep a good unstoppable killer dead for too long though. With the rebirth of the horror genre in the late 90’s and its flourish into the new millennium, the time had finally come for two of horror’s great screen icons to finally return the screen and go head to head against one another…

    But, would their battle royale be worth the wait?

    Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

    Directed By Ronny Yu

    Starring Robert Englund and Ken Kirzinger

    Fred Krueger’s old home town of Springwood has been quiet and peaceful for nearly a decade. No mysterious bed related deaths or killings, fewer suicides, all seems quite well, save for the increased child and teenager population at Westin Hills Asylum (hold over from Elm Street 3.) And it is true, all has been well for Springwood since it banned even the very mention or thought of Freddy Krueger and put all of its youths on the experimental dream prevention drug, Hypnocil… It has not been well for the vicious, dream stalking child killer himself though.

    Krueger has been languishing, alone and forgotten in the bowels of hell for ages now and he’s sick and tired of it. Freddy needs someone to help stir up his memory, bring back the old Freddy mythos. An exploitable puppet, someone childlike, to do his bidding… Thankfully for Freddy the person he finds happens to be an unstoppable killing machine himself, Jason Voorhees.

    Freddy ends up getting an also dormant Jason to do some dirty work for him, thereby starting the rumors of Krueger up again. Thoughts of Freddy bring dreams of Freddy and dreams bring Freddy victims, thereby powering him up again. Unfortunately for Krueger, Jason turns out to be a bit too good at his job (and too nefarious himself) and people begin to fear Jason more…

    This of course pisses Freddy off and sets him on a collision course with his hulking, would be adversary that can only end in a whole lot of bloodshed…

    Freddy vs. Jason is a fine film and a great closing chapter for both the original Elm Street and Friday the 13th series, even though it is more of an Elm Street film than a Friday the 13th.

    Ronnie Yu brings his typical visual energy and enthusiasm to the proceedings. The acting is for the most part good across the board. Some of the humor is hit or miss, but mostly hit. The death scenes are creative and refreshingly CGI less (or mostly so.) And the plot, what little there is, has enough depth (and in-references and ideas) to keep the event feeling fresh. Of course, the clash of the horror titans is a wonder to watch on film (especially for fans of both series.) And, really I don’t want to say much more on the subject (as it isn’t really a film worthy of a complete dissection per say) other than…

    They should have left Freddy and Jason dead with dignity with this entry.

     

  • An Ode To The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)

    An Ode To The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)

    Oh The House Where Evil Dwells, how do I laughingly accept your ambitiously disappointing mediocrity, let me count the ways…

    First and foremost you are an Amityville Horror knock off set in a favored locale, the visually exotic and typically much more cinematically violent nation of Japan.

    You open strongly, with an all slow motion, double murder and suicide, replete with Samurai, boobies and a graphic onscreen decapitation to boot.

    But then, alas, you lapse… Only 3 minutes out of the shoot.

    We are introduced to our protagonists and let’s just say… James Brolin and Margot Kidder they are not.

    Susan George, Susan George… how poorly thee aged from Straw Dogs to here, in both physical beauty and ascent of career.

    Your once lovely, oft displayed mammories are now flabby and limp, of the variety I call orangutan tits.

    And your make up, good lord; I know it’s set in Japan, but Kabuki favors you much? It does not.

    Edward Albert, Edward Albert, what can I say?

    So very middle of the Road in When Time Ran Out, Galaxy of Terror and Midway, comparatively not much better here; despite always looking like a porn star most queer.

    And the little girl who plays your daughter? Oy vay! Is she playing every line intentionally lazy or is she delivering the single most awful performance since Pia Zadora in The Lonely Lady?

    Come back again briefly you do though, when the talking, giant crabs come and put on their show.

    In the end however, you pretty much suck…

    I still think of you fondly, even though you’re a fundamentally silly, cinematic lame duck.

  • Nazis Vs The Ultimate Evil, A Review Of The Keep (1983)

    Nazis Vs The Ultimate Evil, A Review Of The Keep (1983)

    I’m sure many of you have had a wonderful dream (or terrifying nightmare) filled with fantastic, unforgettable, wholly unique sights and sounds… then awoken to only half remember bits and pieces of said sensory perceptions, if even that much. Why bring this up you ask? Because, in essence, that is Michael Mann’s 1983 film The Keep (or at the very least, what has caused people to so fondly remember it after such a long and relatively obscured time.)

    The film is based (loosely) on the novel of the same name by F. Paul Wilson. The novel was a lot more straight forward than the film, being about a group of Nazi’s sent to watch over a fortress that housed a vampire (well, not just A vampire, THE original, root of all evil vampire) that then systematically slaughtered them all* (*that is of course highly condensed.) The novel is much more of a slasher film, set in the vein of a Hammer style Dracula movie. Michael Mann’s screen version… is for lack of a better word… not.

    Mann’s film is a disorienting affair, with dazzling visuals and a pulsing, otherworldly soundtrack by Tangerine Dream. The Keep is truly like something unseen before, and it comes across mostly as if it is a feverish nightmare captured on screen. The editing is disjointed, as is the pace. The plot is practically non-existent. Some Nazi’s show up at a giant fortress in the mountains, they unleash a mysterious force that starts to kill them all, a guy with glowing purple eyes is randomly called to The Keep, more Nazi’s show up (these more evil than the last set), more Nazi’s die, Ian McKellen is brought in to help figure out what’s going on, the Great Evil of The Keep shows itself, there is a sex scene, Ian McKellen steals a talisman to let the evil out into the world and the purple eyed guy puts a flashlight on a stick and seals the evil back into The Keep, the end.

    It sounds as if I’m hating on the film, but I’m not. Supposedly Mann originally delivered a 3 and a Half Hour Masterpiece of a film to the Studio and they then trimmed it down to 96 minutes, effectively excising what one might call an entire film’s length from the movie. This explains the off kilter editing and staccato plot. And, while I would love to see the original cut of the film, the frenetic nature of the released film actually adds to it’s mystique in my opinion.

    The Keep as it is, in it’s released form, is like a big budget, studio backed, arthouse horror film. All atmosphere and massive sets; fluid camera work, misty, hazy, fog drenched arias backlit by flashes of color; a hero that bleeds neon blood, ghostly apparitions and exploding heads; all set to possibly the best score Tangerine Dream has ever done. The film is certainly not for everyone and there are a few dodgy special effects, the acting is a mixed bag as well and the ending will leave you pining for something more… But, the film is still unforgettable…

    Whether you end up loving, or hating it, you will remember that moment when the Nazi’s remove the cross from the wall that unleashes the ultimate evil. You will remember when that same evil first shows itself in physical form (all glowing red eyes, through a wall of floating, endless dry ice fog.) And you will remember the mist soaked, laser light drenched, purple glowing ending (for better or worse.) The Keep is a film to be experienced, not necessarily to be watched or understood. And that is why I love it. As a medium of pure audio-visual stimulus few films can match the overload that is The Keep. I just wish Paramount would pony up the dough to let Mann present his original cut, or at least release the version that’s out there on DVD.

    Someone get on that please. Thanks in advance.

    7 and a Half out of Ten Glowey Eyed, Muscular, Deep Voiced Ancient Evil Creatures

  • Twister 2: The Revenge

    Twister 2: The Revenge

    I was a part of a rather interesting experience on Saturday April 16th, 2011. (No, not an Asian gang bang orgy, that was April 14th.) My would be husband, Adam, and I decided to go for a nice little walk in the warm summery rain… That walk then turned into a nightmare… Bump, bump, baaaa! (But seriously, it did.)

    I will now preface the forth coming information, with a little back story. Adam and I are quite different, in a lot of ways, but we do of course have numerous things that bond us together and make us that magical, special, “something” that defines love. One of those things is a near sexual lust for disaster films, in particular the 90’s variety; Dante’s Peak, Volcano and of course… Twister.

    We have never watched Twister together, but we do often tell each other “We have cows.” And “We’re goin INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!” (granted, that one only in the bedroom.) Why am I telling you this? Well, because of what happened on the 16th.

    Adam and I had heard, earlier in the day about some “bad weather” from his mother and a “storm” from my Grandfather. We being the sort of devil may care (lazy) types that do not read the newspaper (that’s for squares), watch the news (double squares) or peruse the weather channel (only for old people), we did not translate “storm” and “bad weather” to “there is a 110% chance the state in which you live is going to be bombarded repeatedly by swirling clouds of Hell flavored death.” So, we went on our marry way, about a mile from my place of residence, to have a walk along a local river in the previously mentioned “warm summery rain.”

    We walked about 2 miles through the lush green forest, getting a little damp in the process (as expected), taking in the scenery, the river and the newborn baby frogs hopping all about. It was lovely. Then we turned to head back…

    I had just taken off my soaked shirt and wrapped it around my waist, when I felt a sudden drop in temperature and a notable change in atmospheric pressure… Then, the sky turned a milky green color…

    Now, growing up in the southern United States I had been close enough (but not THAT close) to a Tornado a couple of times in my life to realize what these meteorological signs meant… But, didn’t really ever desire to have to use this knowledge in a touchy feely, up close and personal kind of way… Unfortunately, nature had other plans for me.

    As this sudden change of weather occurred, I calmly informed Adam that we needed to move faster (trying, but not succeeding not to alarm him) back the way we came (we had passed a highway underpass on the way, I wanted us to get there.) Then, I saw the clouds sucking in over the tree tops and the funnel forming off in the distance and I knew the only thing we could do, was run.

    And, run we did. In quick succession the wind picked up, sending varying sizes of debris and horizontal walls of rain rocketing in our direction. Then the hundred foot tall trees, surrounding us on both sides, started snapping in half and falling in front of us (and behind us, and to the sides of us.) Clutching a terrified Adam in one arm and shielding my eyes with the other, I led us blindly, further and further away from the heart of the storm, as fast as I could… But in a scant few (agonizing) moments, it was all over.

    We were lucky. Very lucky.

    The Tornado, we were about 600-900 yards away from erased an entire neighborhood and killed several people, but somehow he and I survived. Despite my sarcasm now, I do understand and appreciate the gravity of the situation… But in the same breath, right after it was over, we started talking about Twister the Film. Why? I dunno exactly. Possibly desensitization, or a way of dealing with (in a humorous manner) the psychological aspects of such a disastrous situation… Or, is it just that I (or we people as a whole) are now inextricably linked to pop culture? Bound to TV, Movies, the Internet, etc, so closely and overwhelmingly that our own baser instincts have been dulled to a rubbery surface?

    Probably a bit of all three I would suspect, but…. Unfortunately that last option is pretty close to the truth for just about everyone. Maybe that is why the people and general atmosphere of the Earth are in the state they’re in…

    I try not to wax philosophical, as most who have read my articles or know me know. But, this situation warranted at least a little bit of serious introspection.

    Would I give up my love of all things pop-culture/media related to get the entire brevity of my primal instincts, nature and urges back?

    My answer is a sad “No.”

    What about you?