What can we even talk about regarding a shot-for-shot live-action remake of an animated movie that came out 10 years ago? Honestly, I don’t know. Let me put it like this: Imagine you spent hours yesterday cooking an incredibly delicious meal and felt really proud of yourself. You put the leftovers in the fridge, and the next day when you heat it up and eat it, can you feel the same things you felt yesterday? No. This time, all you’re thinking about is filling your stomach as quickly as possible.
Disney has done the exact same thing. They took that really delicious meal they cooked 10 years ago and just reheated it for us. I said that when you reheat the food, all you think about is filling your belly. Well, that’s exactly what Disney is doing too. They’re filling their own bellies by making money. But let me tell you the truth: You’ve eaten so much of this stuff that your stomach can’t handle this meal anymore, guys.
Remaking a story shot-for-shot after just 10 years is basically mocking human intelligence. Everything that could be said in praise of this movie was already said 10 years ago. Everything that could be said in criticism of this movie was already said 10 years ago. Hell, when this movie first came out, Donald Trump was president — and he still is now!
You can’t help but ask: Couldn’t you wait just a little longer? There is one thing I want to give this movie credit for, though: Nothing illustrates the cheapness, the tackiness, and the dramatic death of creativity in the age we live in better than Dwayne Johnson dancing around with that ridiculous wig.
But I don’t want to be unfair in one other aspect either: At least this movie doesn’t suffer too much from that ugly gray-toned cheap CGI look. Somehow, they managed to preserve the colorful world of the original animation. The visual effects are good. And Catherine Laga’aia, who plays Moana, literally shines like a diamond and delivers an absolutely fantastic performance. Her presence is definitely one of the rare bright spots in the film.
However, these beautiful moments are mostly crushed under Dwayne Johnson’s terrible voice and his performance that has nothing to do with the Maui character. Like I said, since the movie follows the original animation’s story almost beat for beat, you inevitably can’t find much to criticize on that front.
At least Disney took that criticism card out of our hands. In the end, Moana is a movie you can go watch as a family and have a nice time together. But you can have that same nice time by watching the original animation at home with your family in front of the TV. That way, you don’t have to see Dwayne Johnson at all.
