Once you set aside your intelligence, your reason, and every instinct that compels you to object to nonsense, I can assure you that Stop! That! Train! will be the funniest thing you watch this year. Stop! That! Train! is basically the drag queen version of Airplane!. Honestly, I never expected such a cheap, shabby imitation of one of my sacred texts—a film that looks like one of those cluttered, aesthetically bankrupt celebrity magazines from the early 2000s—to make me laugh this hard. I’m actually furious at this movie for pulling it off. Somehow, it managed to be both an outrageously cheap copy of Airplane! and one of the funniest films I’ve seen in a long time. The whole time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was somehow betraying Airplane! by enjoying it so much.
The film follows Tess and DeeDee, two close friends who have spent years working for an old, low-quality railway company. After suddenly losing their jobs, they decide to try their luck by sneaking aboard the ultra-luxurious high-speed Glamazonian Express as flight attendants—or rather, train attendants. Shortly after departure, a catastrophic storm known as Stormaganza erupts and throws everything into chaos. The brakes fail, the train goes out of control, and disaster rapidly approaches. In the middle of all this madness, Tess and DeeDee, along with the train’s staff and passengers, embark on a series of increasingly ridiculous attempts to stop the train. Yes, just like Airplane!, things become more and more absurd with every passing minute.
You probably won’t recognize most of the cast. I certainly didn’t, aside from a few cameos. Before I explain why, I should say a few words about those cameos because they’re hilarious in their own right. Usually, when you see a cameo, you expect it to be someone genuinely famous. Here, however, every cameo falls into the category of, “Wait, I know that person from somewhere…” They’re celebrities, technically, but only barely. Sometimes it’s genuinely difficult to tell whether you’re looking at a cameo appearance or just another member of the main cast. I’m not saying this as criticism, nor am I asking why they didn’t bring in bigger names. I understand perfectly well that this is a low-budget camp production. I’m pointing it out because even that reality is almost as funny as the movie itself.
As for the cast, as I said, I didn’t know any of them. That’s largely because nearly everyone in the film is a drag queen from the reality competition series RuPaul’s Drag Race. To be completely honest, I had somehow never even heard of RuPaul or the show before—which is probably my own failing. One of the funniest things in the movie is RuPaul’s performance as an eccentric American president with wildly exaggerated mannerisms. The performance is so absurdly funny that it becomes almost irritating. You find yourself helplessly captivated by it.
How would I describe this movie? Have you ever laughed because someone farted? Of course you have. Well, I think that’s the best way to summarize Stop! That! Train!. You laugh at it the same way you laugh at someone farting—completely against your better judgment. By the time you walk out of the theater, your cheeks are numb from smiling. I wouldn’t recommend eating popcorn during the screening, though. You might choke on it.
Verdict: A shamelessly cheap, proudly ridiculous riff on Airplane! powered by RuPaul’s Drag Race queens, bizarre celebrity cameos, and nonstop nonsense that honestly shouldn’t work—but somehow left me grinning from start to finish.
Score: 6/10
