By bADVERTISING.

It’ll be to approximately no-ones surprise that Big Tits Zombie is a Japanese movie. Based on a Manga comic, it’s a simple, classic tale of small town strippers versus the undead. Obviously.

There’s really no need to expand the synopsis beyond that, but in the interest of word count we’ll dig a bit deeper. When Lena – Japanese ‘adult star’ Sola Aoi – returns from Mexico (for some reason), she goes to work in a seedy strip joint in the arse-end of nowhere. The girls spend a lot of time sitting around bored, only occasionally performing for one customer – an old, toothless man. When they find an inexplicable secret tunnel in their dressing room, they end up discovering a genre cliche – A Book of the Dead.

Minutes later, an unconvincing horde of the walking dead descend upon them, and they must fight their way out with chainsaws and samurai swords, as you do. To say that that Big Tits Zombie was shot on a shoestring budget would be giving shoestring budgets a disservice. The look of the Z’s ranges from vaguely blue face-paint to rubber halloween masks, with the same 15-odd zombies being slain over and over again. The ladies themselves are all easy on the eye, but it’s debatable whether they have the, ahem, titular attributes you might imagine, but I suppose Regular Tits Zombie doesn’t have as much zing. Those looking for naked flesh would do better to buy a copy of Nuts Magazine. The splatter is standard low-budget Japanese fair – lots of arterial spray and split heads.

The 3D effect is only used in select scenes, sometimes for under a minute. By the time your eyes have adjusted to the blue and red cardboard glasses packaged with the DVD, the moment has often passed. Hilariously, characters in the background can often be seen putting 3D glasses on moments before the effects begin; a silly little meta wink that raises chuckles.

It seems a shame though that the film can never live up to it’s rather ingenious title. It’s certainly camp, but just doesn’t have the quality to become a cult classic like it clearly wants to. It does however contain a beautiful example of a ‘what the fuck?’ moment that could only come from a Japanese film called Big Tits Zombie: a flame-throwing zombie vagina. And if that’s not something worth highlighting, I don’t know what is…

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