Twister 2: The Revenge

5th July 2011

I was a part of a rather interesting experience on Saturday April 16^th, 2011. (No, not an Asian gang bang orgy, that was April 14^th.) My would be husband, Adam, and I decided to go for a nice little walk in the warm summery rain… That walk then turned into a nightmare… Bump, bump, baaaa! (But seriously, it did.)

I will now preface the forth coming information, with a little back story. Adam and I are quite different, in a lot of ways, but we do of course have numerous things that bond us together and make us that magical, special, “something” that defines love. One of those things is a near sexual lust for disaster films, in particular the 90’s variety; Dante’s Peak, Volcano and of course… Twister.

We have never watched Twister together, but we do often tell each other “We have cows.” And “We’re goin INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!” (granted, that one only in the bedroom.) Why am I telling you this? Well, because of what happened on the 16^th.

Adam and I had heard, earlier in the day about some “bad weather” from his mother and a “storm” from my Grandfather. We being the sort of devil may care (lazy) types that do not read the newspaper (that’s for squares), watch the news (double squares) or peruse the weather channel (only for old people), we did not translate “storm” and “bad weather” to “there is a 110% chance the state in which you live is going to be bombarded repeatedly by swirling clouds of Hell flavored death.” So, we went on our marry way, about a mile from my place of residence, to have a walk along a local river in the previously mentioned “warm summery rain.”

We walked about 2 miles through the lush green forest, getting a little damp in the process (as expected), taking in the scenery, the river and the newborn baby frogs hopping all about. It was lovely. Then we turned to head back…

I had just taken off my soaked shirt and wrapped it around my waist, when I felt a sudden drop in temperature and a notable change in atmospheric pressure… Then, the sky turned a milky green color…

Now, growing up in the southern United States I had been close enough (but not THAT close) to a Tornado a couple of times in my life to realize what these meteorological signs meant… But, didn’t really ever desire to have to use this knowledge in a touchy feely, up close and personal kind of way… Unfortunately, nature had other plans for me.

As this sudden change of weather occurred, I calmly informed Adam that we needed to move faster (trying, but not succeeding not to alarm him) back the way we came (we had passed a highway underpass on the way, I wanted us to get there.) Then, I saw the clouds sucking in over the tree tops and the funnel forming off in the distance and I knew the only thing we could do, was run.

And, run we did. In quick succession the wind picked up, sending varying sizes of debris and horizontal walls of rain rocketing in our direction. Then the hundred foot tall trees, surrounding us on both sides, started snapping in half and falling in front of us (and behind us, and to the sides of us.) Clutching a terrified Adam in one arm and shielding my eyes with the other, I led us blindly, further and further away from the heart of the storm, as fast as I could… But in a scant few (agonizing) moments, it was all over.

We were lucky. Very lucky.

The Tornado, we were about 600-900 yards away from erased an entire neighborhood and killed several people, but somehow he and I survived. Despite my sarcasm now, I do understand and appreciate the gravity of the situation… But in the same breath, right after it was over, we started talking about Twister the Film. Why? I dunno exactly. Possibly desensitization, or a way of dealing with (in a humorous manner) the psychological aspects of such a disastrous situation… Or, is it just that I (or we people as a whole) are now inextricably linked to pop culture? Bound to TV, Movies, the Internet, etc, so closely and overwhelmingly that our own baser instincts have been dulled to a rubbery surface?

Probably a bit of all three I would suspect, but…. Unfortunately that last option is pretty close to the truth for just about everyone. Maybe that is why the people and general atmosphere of the Earth are in the state they’re in…

I try not to wax philosophical, as most who have read my articles or know me know. But, this situation warranted at least a little bit of serious introspection.

Would I give up my love of all things pop-culture/media related to get the entire brevity of my primal instincts, nature and urges back?

My answer is a sad “No.”

What about you?

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