My Worst Fears About The Film Industry (And Humanity), Coming True?

5th June 2010

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To The Movies…

A few months back I wrote a fairly detailed article for this very website about the current spate of remakes, reboots, etc. that have been sweeping through cinemas the past few years, leaving nothing but dead bodies and raped classics in their wake.

The article listed many remakes that have already occurred and many more that are supposed to happen in the future. I didn’t pull any punches in my feelings toward the subject. In fact you can read the article here if you like:

BWRC Remake Article

Anyways, at the end of the piece I made a fake “pitch” for the two remakes I always feared would bring about the downfall of mankind and have dreaded the most. Especially considering I had hoped they were so classic as to be deemed untouchable in that way…

One is “The Exorcist.” So far I haven’t heard talks of violating THAT sacred ground, but give it some time…

The second was “Jaws.” You may have heard of it. It was Steven Spielberg’s first THEATRICAL masterpiece. The first “Giant Summer Popcorn Blockbuster.” And it is generally considered a thinking man’s, psychological horror/action, cinema classic… In my article I detailed the studio remake going something like this…

‘The Shark will be totally CGI and will be on screen for at least 75% of the running time. There will be no Alex Kintner death scene, as that’s far too illicit for modern audiences. Instead, his death will be replaced by a big titted Disney Channel star getting mildly scraped by the shark, bloodlessly of course. As for the main cast Colin Farrell will be playing Quint, Jason Biggs will be Matt Hooper and Ben Stiller will be Chief Brody. It will be rated PG-13 of course, have a $200 Million budget and be directed by whoever has the hottest music videos out right now.‘

Well, here’s the news on the real thing… Apparently I forgot to add “3-D,” and Tracey Morgan to my pitch…

3-D Jaws Remake Article

Enjoy all. I’ma go build a bomb shelter and stock up on dehydrated foods now…

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