Category: REVIEWS

The Stagg Do (DeMarco, 2014) – DVD Review – By Last Caress.

The Stagg Do, written by star Martin Paterson and director James DeMarco, is a hugely British affair which wears its North-Eastern heart very much on its sleeve.

“Staggy’s getting married and I’m the Best Man, which means I’m in charge of the stag do. But it’s not going to be your average stag do; it’s going to be the dog’s bollocks, with loads of drugs, loads of booze, loads of lovely titties, the whole fookin’ lot. And there’s only one place that’ll do the job. In the middle of England’s most glorious countryside, lies the king of all shag-pits: The notorious Cock’s Inn. It’s fanny-fookin’-tastic.”

Staggy (Andrew Stagg) is a born-and-bred native of Walker, Newcastle upon Tyne. He’s getting married to Charlotte (Therase Neve), who isn’t. Staggy’s lifelong best mate and Best Man Pob (Martin Paterson) wants to send him off in style with a “fanny-fookin’-tastic” stag do at legendary local bordello The Cock’s Inn which, for reasons never made clear, has never previously enjoyed their patronage, but Charlotte’s feelings on the matter could not be clearer: “Read. My. Lips… You are NOT having a stag do.” So, along with mates Radgy (Craig Conway) and Si (Simon Buglass), Pob hatches a plan. Don’t tell Staggy it’s a stag do, pretend we’re going camping for the night instead, in a field which just so happens to be within skipping distance of The Cock’s Inn. Charlotte will allow him to go camping for the night, won’t she?

Well, no, she won’t. Not without two conditions being met, anyway. Firstly, Staggy has to sack the boorish Pob, who she’s never liked, from his duties as Best Man in favour of one of her well-to-do cousins from Down South. And secondly, Staggy and co. have to take Charlotte’s blue-chip father – The Judge (Bill Fellows) – with them on their camping trip, to ensure things don’t go awry. How is Pob going to get the four mates away from the Hell of camping with The Judge and into the Heaven of The Cock’s Inn?

The Stagg Do, written by star Martin Paterson and director James DeMarco, is a hugely British affair (despite Mr. DeMarco’s American origins) which wears its North-Eastern heart very much on its sleeve. “Authentic Geordie Cinema” trumpets the DVD case. This is to The Stagg Do‘s benefit since it’s the inherent likeability of these four Geordie lads which keeps the somewhat misogynistic tone of the picture just on the right side of harmless, even if that harmlessness is forced along by the deus ex machinas of the fun-hating Judge and his bride-to-be daughter, painted here as such a ballbreaker one wonders why Staggy’s marrying her at all.

Pob: Are you alright like, Staggy?
Staggy: Aye, aye… it’s just that this wedding, eh? It’s just a pain in the arse, man.
Pob: I understand that, like.
Staggy: Charlotte’s getting herself all excited. There’s bigwig’s comin’ up from London. She reckons it’s all gonna go tits-up. All gonna gan pear-shaped.
Pob: Sounds like you’ve got the jitters to me, mate. I divvunt blame you, like. I would as well. Having to shag the same fanny for the rest of your life. Same fanny, same tits… same arse, if you get lucky, like. I wouldn’aa fancy that sh*t, like. All they do is get aaulder, fatter, saggier. Nay good to me that, like. Tell you what though, at least you’ve got a sh*t-load of porn to keep you going, haven’t ya?
Staggy: Aye, I suppose so.

Funny, in a lad’s-mag sort of way, but also possibly the glummest exchange between a Bridegroom and his Best Man that one could imagine.

Still, the episodic nature of The Stagg Do once we get to the camp site (putting the tent up, spiking The Judge with drugs, spiking The Judge with more drugs, looking for The Judge who’s wandered off in an acid-fuelled stupor etc etc) keeps things chugging along nicely throughout the movie’s brisk 68-minute runtime. The ceaseless use of the term “fanny” and several derivations thereof (“Hippo’s Yawn”, “Tramp’s Beard”) might begin to wear on some, particularly females. Having said that, my wife laughed at The Stagg Do throughout, so what do I know? As I said though, the four Geordie pals are inherently likeable, particularly Martin Paterson as f*ckwit Best Man Pob, hewn from similar rock as Auf Wiedersehen, Pet‘s Oz (Jimmy Nail) or maybe Shaun of the Dead‘s Ed (Nick Frost). In fact The Stagg Do shares stylistic similarities – albeit considerably further down the budgetary scale – with Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s zom-rom-com cinematic debut as well as with their TV show Spaced; certainly during the opening sequences in which the premise of the story and the lads’ hometown of Walker is established. There are lo-fi shades of Guy Ritchie too, especially when Pob makes a pre-stag reccy of The Cock’s Inn and has a chat with proprietor Dick Pounder (Lee Ridley).

I should also take a moment to mention the soundtrack. Chock-full of tracks by local unsigned artists, it’s outstanding and available from the movie’s own website HERE.

The DVD – also available from the web site – is a smart and efficient piece, with the 16×9 picture and 2.0 sound both doing the job required. The Geordie-ribbing DVD menu (“Play Fillum”, “Fanny-tastic Features”) sets the tone before the movie’s even underway, and there are a couple of decent features to be found: a “Making-Of” for The Stagg Do and a test scene for Pissheads, a previous project from messrs. DeMarco and Paterson which never quite got off the ground. There’s also a fun and hugely informative cast/crew commentary, too.

The Stagg Do is available now.

http://www.thestaggdo.com/

Essentially the story of a middle-aged couple working in a tearoom and their far-fetched scheme to serve much more than a slice of cake, Tea for Two has been written and directed by Mark Brennan of Pork Chop Pictures in collaboration with Mini Productions and produced thanks to a successful crowdfunding campaign on Indiegogo.

Acclaimed royal cake designer Fiona Cairns features as executive producer and her creations are proudly displayed on the counter of this retro Hertfordshire cake parlour.

“Today’s the day”, says Alice (Amanda Barrie of Bad Girls and Coronation Street) to Jim (John Challis of Only Fool and Horses and Doctor Who) as a remarkably noisy clock ticks away. The place is empty and the couple are anxiously waiting for someone to arrive.

When the first male customer walks in, Jim gives him an unreasonably hard time, just because the young man is running behind his usual lunch schedule. Alice is not impressed by her husband’s behaviour as nothing must get in their plan’s way.

Despite numerous threats to highjack their conspiracy, the pair’s astute yet clumsy ways eventually manage to achieve their goals, while entertaining the viewer with their remarkably mysterious and unorthodox ways.

Tea for Two is a brilliantly executed, quirky and uniquely British short comedy with timely, subtle twists and a retro feel that will leave you wanting more.

Tea for Two premiered last May, and has been screened at various events in the UK, including the BAFTA qualifying Aesthetica Short Film Festival, the Winchester Short Film Festival and, most recently, the uFilmFest in Ukraine.

Watch Tea for Two’s trailer here:

When you think of all the countries in the world that have produced good quality horror movies, Venezuela probably isn’t the first one that springs to mind – and with good reason. 2013 saw the release of ‘La casa del fin de los tiempos’ (The House at the End of Time), which was described as Venezuela’s first ever horror-thriller movie. It went on to be Venezuela’s highest ever grossing thriller as well as picking up a few horror specific awards internationally, such as Best Picture at the Screamfest Horror Festival LA. The film was the brainchild of moviemaker Alejandro Hidalgo, who wrote, produced, directed, and edited this little gem.

A mother called Dulce (played by Ruddy Rodríguez) wakes up in the aftermath of a struggle or fight. Broken glass and furniture cover the floor, and the woman is cut, but there’s no clue as to what exactly has occurred. The woman gets up and starts to frantically search the house for her son. During the search, she discovers her husband dead in a pool of blood, seemingly from a stab wound to the chest. She eventually discovers her son in another room, standing in front of a doorway, but just as she starts to step towards him, he is pulled back through the doorway and into the darkness by invisible hands. Dulce immediately runs after him but he has seemingly vanished into thin air. She is arrested for the murder of her husband and sentenced to thirty years in prison. The film jumps forward in time to her release, where she returns back to her house and begins her quest to unravel the mystery of those events thirty years earlier. At this point, the film jumps back and forth in time, showing events leading up to the tragedy as well as the current timeline where the much older Dulce is trying to get to the bottom of things. In both timelines, we see evidence of ghostly manifestations and other possible supernatural events.

The film is a low-budget production, however this doesn’t show at all due to some very accomplished and skilled film-making, concentrating on character development, an intelligent and cunning storyline, and a creepy-crawly atmosphere rather than special effects and the usual shock tactics. As the film progresses, the nature of it slowly evolves from supernatural horror to something completely and mind bendingly different. There’s some relevant family drama and melodrama woven into this, which further builds on the various characters development, and adds enough emotion to create some moving scenes without the creepy and suspenseful tone of the film suffering too much. I could elaborate on all this, however it would be very easy to spoil some of the plot twists and surprises by giving away too much about how the story unfolds, This makes reviewing the film problematic as there’s certainly plenty to talk about when it comes to the various threads of the story. Fair to say, it’s a genuinely thought-provoking, creepy, and atmospheric movie with enough twists and turns that it feels as though you’re simply being played with at times. The story is just complex enough to give the brain a workout without becoming so convoluted as to completely baffle. The film concludes beautifully, if a little contrived.

The direction by Alejandro Hidalgo was spot on and, with the low-budget he had, I can’t really think of much more he could have done to improve this in any way. Each and every scene appeared as though lovingly crafted by its master. Hidalgo is a self-confessed Guillermo del Toro fan, and certain parts of the film did have the feel and essence of del Toro’s earlier works. The performances from the lead characters were also notably impressive – acting as much with their facial expressions and demeanour as with their voices, expressing themselves beautifully, and ensuring that the viewer was able to empathise with greater ease. This is an ability that distinguishes good actors from their lesser counterparts. The only part of the film I found a little off-putting was that the same actress played both the young and old woman with the help of some ageing make-up effects which, despite being quite decent, couldn’t quite hide the fact that the old woman wasn’t actually old. I know that this probably won’t be an issue for most, however I just felt as though her character felt slightly less real than it would have done if the role was played by a genuine older woman. I don’t mean to detract from Ruddy Rodríguez’s performance in any way by saying this because she was exceptional in her role.

As to the actual genre that the film belongs to – it’s been called a horror, and a thriller, but I’m not entirely sure I’d place it into either of those categories. If I had to call it something, then I’d probably go for ‘slow-burning mystery’. I was lucky when I watched it, as I hadn’t read a single thing about the plot beforehand, and didn’t even bother reading the plot summary. Since watching it, I’ve had a look at quite a few reviews and the majority of them tend to give things away that are much better off left unsaid. So if you are planning on watching this, it’s far better to go in blind and enjoy watching the mystery unravel as it happens. And I do highly recommend that you plan on watching it!

Here’s the trailer for your convenience: