Arcane: Review

10th January 2025

Arcane. Review. By Christopher Patterson.

An Overall, Extremely Aggravating, Bafflingly Worthless, Stuck-Up Piece Of Nonsense.

This is a long one. Okay, so Arcane ended a month or so ago, and I still can’t forget it. I know give it a couple months then read bad fanfics but might as well use this time for good, or worse, so here it is. And it wasn’t always like that. Originally, I saw it possibly as the masterpiece of television, not just animation. What all shows can be and just like should be. Period (past tense, btw). And yes, I was fourteen or so, and yes, I thought it was very deep, the questions you ask, dear reader. Oh. But now I’m grown plus old and… eh… I’m not all about IQ (who even is, I’m actually curious), but you don’t even need to know the whole term to see what’s in front of you. And I used to hear Death Note was pretentious (though it very clearly isn’t if you do the right thing and skip part two. Skip part two!).

Arcane is a show where giving a synopsis would A. be too long and B. be horribly all over the place and C. something you can’t pay me to care to do. And the ships which the writers seem to only use when the plot has nothing else going on. While the ships here are solid enough and saying how each relationship here is well written is basically quoting every quote on quote deep discussion of this show it gets, so I will just say at least the show respected its relationships enough and never followed through on the love triangle and, most importantly, didn’t make me find a hexagon of love triangles Miraculous Ladybug style.

I want to start with season one since, well, I prefer this season to the utter catastrophe that follows, and secondly, I have a stronger memory of it lol. So, yeah. So, season one. in one word: striking (well, strikingly bad but you get the point). I remember when this season came out, and it pretty much felt like it was the renaissance for video game adaptations and good television shows (oh, the memories). In other words, the show just popped (or at least it felt that way). The animation was only comparable to Spider-Verse, still, in its creativity and waterfalls of little details (a truth that still reigns). The writing, to fourteen year old me to make clear again, and also like that masterpiece, was sharp and sometimes kind of successful. Each episode then felt so nicely put together that it felt crazy someone thought of it all, and a cherry on top, the characters weren’t tropes. At least, again, to fourteen-or-so-year-old me, or so it seemed (Some unneeded foreshadowing? Yes, dear reader).

See Arcane is a show that. Well… It thinks it’s really deep and can’t stop talking about how its really deep everyone or you need a high IQ to understand. I’m getting flashbacks here…To something… Like Rick and Morty, Arcane is a show that can’t stop flaunting itself though, as with most things people say you need a high IQ to understand, it only takes a packet of literacy tests and deductive reasoning or just having a basic thought to open your eyes to truth. And truth is there isn’t much being said that anyone who is not paid to write couldn’t put together (shocker). The pacing is quick but too quick.

It’s a thing with most shows now where it feels like the writers just assume the fools wasting time to watch this have an attention span of four seconds, and even if that’s true, (can one be blamed for hating to waste time especially when something like this comes out) it’s also just rude and I hate it since it makes it hard to get attached to any of the characters. The dialogue is sharp but overly witty and suffocatingly tryhard and to quote one of my favorite films ever that I tried to quote in so many scenes (basically any scene with Viktor). The storyline, in my opinion, is the worst kind of storyline there is. It gives I am trying to be super deep for real by falling into the worst of fantasy writing, the one where everything connects or its bad writing, characters are too simplistic while trying to be the deepest they can be without realizing that doesn’t matter at all to enjoying a character, and one word matches each characters personality (for instance, Vi: spunky). It’s writing like this that you don’t know how to explain but feels so extremely cheap, embarrassing, pretentious, lacking creative thought, and unimaginative while being highly fantastical, and to top it off just plain depressing to see still.

Now, I could, I really could, go into everything. But nobody’s got time for that multi epic essay or whatever, especially, for a series that probably has so many that say the exact same thing, over and over. Great animation (okay), interesting characters (I don’t believe in the word objectivity but try and tell me without sweating every character here is even okay, like be honest), and clever and deep narrative (two words I would never come to associate with a show as deep as anything on fanfiction.net). Now, to point out some of my biggest dislikes of this show, from dumb character moments to oh my god please tell me who wrote this crap, here are the following:

For instance, Viktor is one of the best examples of the pretentious stupidity shining on full screen in 4K Ultra HD mode. So, if you want to know the full details—and I mean the full—point of his arc, it is basically the perfect world arc of fantasy characters or make the world a better place. You know, that character that tries to be a god or create the perfect utopia or whatever since they are the one person lacking common sense while the writer persuades us poorly otherwise but only fails to quell our judgements of such a foolish character. And God, yes, I know all the forty thousand ways you can envision his stupid arc; it doesn’t make it any less eye-rolling or just plain ugh. It’s like when people discuss making a world united unabashedly. It’s an extreme naivety; the writers really have to try to make me take him seriously. Shockingly, as with most attempts at this arc, it comes off as bland and cheap. And I am not a pessimist, just someone who goes on with their day.

Viktor is a character who it feels like the writers take so seriously as some deep mastermind and instead feels like a character who, if he talked to an average adult with some job, would probably help shut his annoying yapping down and teach him to get on with his life rather than wasting it playing around in his own excrement that intends to provide critical thought. I guess critical thought has different meanings. And the fact he went that far, and the fact the writers believe he is so legitimately clever with his utter foolishness, I mean, I literally have no words. It’s like when someone thinks their life is so self-centered and is so self-important with a smugness and no basic irony involved. It’s not some glass window; it’s a glass life that anyone with basic sense would break and destroy, but seemingly common sense can’t operate in this laughable joke of a world. If you’re not seeing a pattern, and one I feel the writers probably didn’t, it’s that the characters of Arcane act like machinations for a plot without a soul or a critical thought in its body. No one has a true level head since then there would be no plot. It’s utterly insulting, pitiful nonsense like this that feels so smug, so self-important, it’s just mad. What would’ve made Arcane 10x better would be if someone at the end just stopped the plot and focused on people going on with their day and not this fanfiction garbage and saw them just having fun with their life doing nothing substantial and just existing. I would so prefer that than hearing any more of these indescribably whiny characters continuing in their pathetic lives that are as interesting as teeth (not nails) on a chalkboard. Hell, that is an insult to the chalkboard at least that taught oneself that the sound created by nature can suck as well.

Arcane is like the perfect show for fans of The Dark Knight and anyone who uses the word society unironically. It’s just the most easy joke on itself that could’ve been made. What makes Arcane slightly more annoying, though, is when I feel it’s clear the writers make their characters like characters rather than real people. Like, Vi feels purposefully ruined. She is somebody who takes a punch and kicks back, but not in writing a badass character way but in a she’s not like other characters ’cause she is a badass but has reason behind it that’s so deep and all and I can see the video essays from there. And to me, it might just be me, but that makes me roll my eyes just so hard. It’s like reading some old fanfiction you wrote as a kid. It’s something you would cringe and cry yourself to sleep at, not embrace so unabashedly. Rather than respecting Vi as a character, it feels like the writers took a note from fanfiction and decided to do the trope of she’s not like other girls, but she’s got all this baggage and all, and she’s so deep and all and stuff. And, yes, I know, I am repeating myself. I do it alot, but especially here since it’s hard to even discuss this series easily due to the fact that it’s hard to put your head around it. It’s a show with all the keys of success, but it feels so damn hollow it’s maddening. Like I want to love this show, but it’s unbearable and embraces its L’s with all its virtues.

If I had to give an example of the show really fumbling the bag, though it gets much worse don’t you worry, let’s head to part three of season two. I will use an example from one of the final episodes; remember that. In like the episode before the literal finale, if I hadn’t made it clear, this season is like on double speed throughout. Jinx, finally getting more screen time than two seconds, is grieving horribly, and Vi, trying to be by her side, as usual, fails, and Jinx runs away in a horrible state. Okay, so Jinx, clearly unwell and needing help but not wanting to be a burden, is going somewhere. Oh, no! So, what will Vi do? Go save her sister, who needs her, or just whine about it and then do it in the jail room. I don’t have to mention all the germs usually in jail cells but I will because grab a damn cover what if someone vomited or urinated or even popped there and, hey, you might not be the first to be in this very specific situation. Rather than naturally combining a scene where Jinx and Vi are able to connect, they do the whiny no one understands me and add in some overcomplicated love drama on the aside where you just want to put those two morons in a room and let them hash it out without putting the whole of humanity at risk. Sadly instead, you get this garbage. And it must’ve been funny to write this, but guess how we feel watching this.

Vi, seemingly like the writers, forgetting her sister is a utter train wreck mentally and knowing how she acts out, literally do I have to quote season one’s finale, and instead of being mature enough to take five steps out of a jail cell when Caitlyn finds her, and gaining her common sense, she instead spends the time getting some, which is sister of the year right there. Yeah, Vi didn’t fully know Jinx’s mental state, but using basic deduction skills from all that came before, I don’t think it’s hard to guess she, at least, needs someone. And Vi, being off character as usual for some reason, just decides to waste it all for some action she would prefer over helping her down-trodden sister. Just incredible. But, don’t worry, the train keeps going downhill, and here we arrive at that moment. The pinnacle of the disaster that was season two.

Jinx dies. To me, the worst choice that never should’ve been considered. To me, the one thing, and I do mean the one thing, I would’ve really respected Arcane for would be not falling for the if only trope by killing Jinx in that over-melodramatic, wannabe Shakespearean vibe that tries to be so symbolic or whatever (basically any student play you had to watch in College), especially since it seemed the show was not gonna fall into that route. Personally, it was just dumb and made me annoyed. There are a million characters like Jinx (I mean, she started as the wannabe Harley Quinn), but I thought that what would’ve made the show hopefully stand out was not stereotypically killing the damaged character off when they become better. It would be like if the Harley Quinn show, an actual good show, killed Harley off dramatically and stood by it as if that is how it had to be. Rather than giving Jinx autonomy and respecting her wanting to live again, the show pulled a trope and a conclusion card out of nowhere and pathetically killed her off to have that ending that wants you to cry like some manipulative Pixar film and instead just made me laugh my ass off at how the writers, in my opinion, were able to reward the audience an episode ago and then just spit in their mouth a second later. And it leads to my biggest issue with Arcane. In trying to break stereotypes, Arcane subverts them but not by enough, and usually one reverts back to the tropes it deconstructs in the end. Never does the show have bite. But you can tell it wants it so damn bad. The issue is it never really tries. Or never tries hard enough. But, hey, that could be fate or some other twenty thousandth reason one can imagine to actually reward this piece of crap of a decision.

What makes it so genuinely angering is that this show is made with so much effort. Every bit of it feels stuck with promise, but somehow when it nearly reaches it, right when you might want to see the writers cook, they just have to go number two on all of it without any realization, and it’s hilarious and sad. But utterly hilarious. Well, at least the animation mostly slaps.

VERDICT

So Arcane… Mid? Oh, yes. Boring? Sometimes, but runs the hyper speed of pacing to make sure if you’re a fan of TikTok-level brain rot or, in other words, just bad pacing, you will never be bored. Yay! Mid like other shows? Yes and no. Here’s the hard thing. As easy, and I do mean legit so fricking easy, to tear down this mistake of a show at points, I do respect it. As much as I’m biting my mouth out from the inside, no kinks here to reveal, in saying it. The writing is meticulous in its banality, and the sharp yet un-self-aware dialogue makes for hilarious and sometimes hooking viewing. But that is just it. Each part of the show I hold in contempt I also hold in dear waves of flourishes. Never is Arcane like the usual sloop you see on TV, but never is it like good prime television. Hell, it’s not even as good as your average Netflix show, your average Netflix show (and that may be sacrilege but hey (also lost my nun cosplay), and also Netflix shows have gotten better unironically). Arcane is the answer to the question of that show you thought, when you were fourteen, was deep because it was unabashedly too pretentious and stuck up its own nose-bleed (confusing until you experiment) to see what it was. Just a show. And I mean, do I have to quote that godawful theme song the show has going for it? The misery, the enemy, I mean, honestly, if you take twenty steps back, or even ten if you saw the seasons of Rick and Morty past season three or even one if I’m being very exact, it really is hard not to laugh your ass off and find a better show from there. It’s like funny fanfiction. It rhymes. Well, no, it doesn’t. Can’t expect that much. But don’t I hope it did. Overall, Arcane is a show that tries to be Homer but only amounts to cringe, so wannabe, whiny, rolling my eyes so hard, un-self-aware 2014 worthless fanfiction. And when you see it that way, maybe we actually lost something genuinely special. Or maybe not. Looking back, instead of watching this quote on quote show, I would’ve spent my time better listening to the no one understands me mom of 2021.

2.5/5

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