Unlike the film this is clearly trying to be, at no point during Cocaine Shark does any aquatic creature ingest an illegal substance. The “cocaine” and “shark” mentioned in the title are present, but are completely seperate elements. How did they manage to blow that premise?

Its marketing technique is one we are seeing more of: hyping an outlandish premise with the aim of going viral and gaining plenty of free publicity. Cocaine Shark is a particularly aggregious offender as, after suckering us in, it gives back very little.

What wet get instead of the drug-crazed shark we turned up for is boring and not possible to follow or care about. The plot involves an undercover narcotics cop tasked to infiltrate the inner circle of a drug lord who is supplying a gene-editing serum to the black market – one which creates a mutant shark which causes some havoc along the way.

Further hampering a weak story that’s not even related to its premise is a lousy script, which is delivered even more lousily, and truly terrible presentation. Cocaine Shark has the aesthetic of a ten-year-old’s home movie made in their garden using their parents’ camcorder. It is so obviously made in such haste in order to jump on the Cocaine Bear bandwagon while it’s still rolling, it’s not unreasonable to think those involved are not filmmakers or actors, but just people trying to cash in.

This seventy-minute cringe fest is shot largely in close-up, presumably to hide what the production values (what little there are), and has sound design describable only as unforgiveable. Its creature effects are clunky, gaps in the narrative are filled by stock footage and all sound effects will be familiar to anyone who has ever used Windows Movie Maker. Ed Wood would have been proud, but the rest of us may start thinking about ingesting something just to get through it.