By Nicky Johnston.

UK release date: 27^th June 2014

What can I say about Transformers 4?  I think it’s best to let the dialogue speak for itself:

• “We humans have a saying; the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
• “I also have a saying; I don’t care.”

• “You can’t search here, you don’t have a warrant!”
• “My face is my warrant.” (Yes, really.)

• “I need more transformium and I need it now!” (Science, LOL.)

To begin with: a standard action blockbuster.  The characters are mildly engaging, the lines are funny (often unintentionally) and generally speaking you settle in expecting a perfectly satisfactory, if a little silly, action-packed adventure.  Sure things are a little ridiculous, but magnificently T4 seems to be in on the joke!  Barely 5 minutes in, a surplus character derides today’s films for being “sequels and remakes – a bunch of crap”.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t last for long enough; about an hour in, T4 becomes one giant action set piece. Bay seems to believe that, if he thoroughly destroys a US city with enough explosions and CGI aliens then, Transformers could be the next Avengers!  Forgetting Marvel’s requisite humour, charisma or star power…  Just as you are getting bored and annoyed that this is the finale you were waiting for, something strange happens.

The movie doesn’t end.

Transformers 4 is 165 minutes long.  The finale you just watched?  Nope!  That’s the middle.  And so we reach the third and final chapter.

And I f’ing loved it.  T4 is entirely ridiculous and that’s why it’s so great.  I loved it the way one loves monster trucks, bad television or junk food – for being hilariously, unashamedly precisely what it is.  It’s almost as if someone on the production crew just realised – “Hey, why are we trying to beat regular movies at their own game?  We’re mother f’ing Transformers!?!  Time for some giant robot dinosaurs!”  T4 stops apologising and lets it’s freak flag fly.

In the words of Transformers – “It’s the American thing to do!”

That isn’t to say this movie is without difficulties.  Problem #1 is, unsurprisingly, rampant sexism.  It started so well!  Tessa Yeager, played by Nicola Peltz, has a personality beyond her bouncy blonde hair and surprising emotional range.  Not your normal Bay babe.  Yet, as the action hits full speed she quickly becomes a two dimensional damsel in distress.  Treats such as; “I’m not here to help you get your daughter, you’re here to help me get my girlfriend.”  So, Tessa can only exist as an accessory to either her father or her boyfriend?  Super empowering…

Not content with destroying a major American city, it’s China’s turn!  And so, we move from the problem of sexism to ethnic stereotyping…  I can forgive the cultural caricatures that create Optimus Prime’s autobot crew.  It’s understandably difficult to create nuanced personalities for giant robots.  More difficult to explain is why, in the Transformers universe, are all Asians are experts at kung fu?

Transformers’ savior comes in the form of Stanley Tucci.  The final third of the film finally gives Tucci the chance to shine; injecting the humour and personality needed to elevate T4 from generic action set piece to blockbuster climax.  Joshua Joyce (Tucci) is easily the most interesting character of the movie and adds the real oomph to the finale that the rest of the movie is lacking.

How many stars should Transformers 4 earn out of 5?  I can’t say.  It is silly, stupid and at times outright nonsensical…  But you have to ask yourself, in what other movie would you see a man get punched in the face by a car?  In slow mo.  In the words of Mark Wahlberg; “You’ve got to look at the junk and see the treasure.  Have faith, Prime.”

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