Review – 300: Rise Of An Empire

3rd March 2014

Just shy of a decade ago, Hollywood lost their shit for Frank Miller. What ensued was a deluge of graphic novel (or comic book, if you’re comfortable with your masculinity) adaptations of his back catalogue as well as directorial endeavours. Of all of these, 300 made the saw the majority of said shit being misplaced. A legend steeped in history of a noble yet futile stand against an innumerable army, a king and his honour guard fight until the last to give the people of Greece a chance against this evil empire. The graphic visual style matched with testosterone-fuelled action (and pecs bigger than my thighs) lead to a film well loved by moviegoers.

Fast-forward 8 years to today, and we’re on the verge of battle once more. 300: Rise Of An Empire tells the story of the Athenian fleet fighting against the Persian empire simultaneous to the last stand of the noble 300 Spartans. The naval engagements set the stage for a personal dick-measuring contest between Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton) of Greece and Artemisia (Eva Green) of Persia. Through the same graphic action of its predecessor, we wait to see if the epically outnumbered Greeks can hold off the Persian horde until the aquatic cavalry arrive (no, not seahorses, though that would’ve been awesome) or if they get dominated harder than Jim’s apple pie.

There’s always that risk with Hollywood and its studios that you’ll get a sequel that’s just a cash cow. Sadly, that’s what leaves us feeling as empty as a Kardashian’s cranium as we watch Rise Of An Empire . It brings nothing new to the table from the original, and actually leaves with less. The story is convoluted with flashbacks and exposition to justify the contrived plot, and the drama is diminished by having characters we don’t really root for in a world complicated by background politics. I hate to say it, but save yourself those 100 minutes of your life you won’t get back and just watch the original.

300: Rise Of An Empire is in UK cinemas 7th March 2014.

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