Author: BRWC

  • Faceless (1987) An Eye Popping Review

    Faceless (1987) An Eye Popping Review

    Moving swiftly along toward the latest edition of ’11 Questions with…’ This time it’s going to be a bonus sized edition with legendary filmmaker John Carpenter on Monday April 2nd 2012! In the mean time, there’s this…

    Ahh… Jess Franco. When I hear his name I immediately see breasts before my eyes.

    And, his 1987 (excessively 1987,) Eurotrash (excessively Eurotrash,) exercise in bad taste (EXCESSIVELY bad taste) Faceless doesn’t disappoint in the tit department, but it does, unfortunately, do so in numerous other areas…

    Quite sad too, because this could have ended up an all time classic…

    I spose in the end it’s probably Franco’s best and most accessible film, overall… not that that’s saying much.

    The plot, in a nutshell, begins when the beloved (incestuously beloved,) gorgeous-model-sister of a renowned plastic surgeon (played with seedy relish by Helmut Berger) is horrifically disfigured (how does every average Joe get access to such powerful acids in the movie world?) by a disgruntled (and also disfigured) former patient. The surgeon then cares for his (increasingly, delightfully, bitchy) sister in seclusion with the help of his sexy nurse girlfriend; while trying to return her face to it’s former beauty… by, of course, surgically removing the faces of other gorgeous models for transplant purposes.

    Great concept right (John Woo… are you a fan)? Not so hot in the execution department.

    As with most of Franco’s films the pacing is far too sluggish for the subject matter. This thing should move like a nasty, slice n dice tinker toy (I’d give anything for a De Palma, or even Frank Henenlotter, remake) but instead moseys along like a sleazy raft on a lazy river made of blood covered breasts.

    The performances are better than usually found in Franco Flicks (particularly from Berger.) The always enjoyable Telly Savalas is on hand in a slumming (obviously filmed in 1 day) cameo as the father of one of the models Berger is trying to give an extreme facial to. And, Christopher Mitchum turns in a decidedly decent (for him) role as a hard boiled detective trying to find Savalas’s daughter, that more than brings to mind his legendary father Robert Mitchum.

    Chuck in a few (but nowhere near enough) high quality gore scenes; including a cringe worthy eyeball meets syringe attack, a nerve rattling power drill to the face bit and some GRAPHIC, and fairly realistic (love the moving eyeballs) face removal scenes; an evil ex-Nazi doctor who specializes in the field of face transplantary; a humorously annoying, out of place, sappy ballad theme song and an offensively (but hilariously) fem gay couple and, you do get the recipe for a mostly decent, fairly unique slasher film.

    But it could have been so much more and that’s why I’m more displeased with it then I generally would be.

    Had the performances been ramped up to 11 on all fronts, the pace been tightened judiciously, the kill scenes been thrown out at a faster (and higher) rate and had they 100% followed through on the twisted “happy” ending (only implied in the final cut) Faceless could have been a sleaze/exploitation/horror masterpiece of the highest order, up there with Savage Streets, Maniac and Dressed to Kill.

    Alas, it falls a bit more than a scalpel’s edge of perfection. But, I still recommend it as a nice laugh for those who enjoy this sort of thing, and maybe as a bit of a stomach churner for those who don’t.

    6 out of 10 disgusted male prostitute cranial knifings.

     

  • Carrie Is Being Remade… Again

    Carrie Is Being Remade… Again

    Be on the look out for the latest episode of ’11 Questions with…’ This time it’s going to be a bonus sized edition with legendary filmmaker John Carpenter on Monday April 2nd 2012! In the mean time, there’s this…

    A little while back I went on a rant about remakes, you can read about it here.

    And now, I’m going to rant, at least a little, again.

    My readers should know my feelings for Brian De Palma at this point. Even when the man does plenty wrong, he can do no wrong. His stylistic over the topness is music to my eyes. The soft focus, gelled lens, rose tinted, slow motion, split screen world that his films exist end never cease to thrill and excite me. This sentiment of course holds true for his handling of the first screen adaptation of Carrie in 1976.

    While the film may deviate quite a bit from Stephen King’s source novel, it gets the spirit 100% correct, and aside from a few dated touches (the “whacky” prom clothes buying, sped up montage, anyone) it is a true classic of the genre.

    On the acting front, Sissy Spacek is perfect as the terminally shy, but psychically gifted Carrie White, eliciting sympathy from the character that few other actresses, even of the time, could’ve come close to, as well as making her intense and terrifying. As her mother, the uber-religious Margaret White, Piper Laurie plays to the cheap seats, delivering an electrifying, scenery devouring performance that is the polar opposite, but perfect match for Spacek’s understated turn. They both truly deserved their rare for the genre Oscar Noms, is pretty much what I’m saying here.

    Overall De Palma and crew set out to create a Horror film that plays with a touch of class, amongst it’s lurid shocks, and they succeed amiably. It’s probably the 1st or 2nd best treatment a King Novel has ever been given cinematically, behind or tied perhaps only by Dolores Claiborne, The Shining or Misery. It’s no wonder the film is still talked about and loved the way it is to this day, and why it was one of the most respected and massive horror hits of its time.

    23 Years after the first film we were given it’s exorable sequel, The Rage: Carrie 2. The film is exactly what you’d expect from a late 90’s horror flick from the director of Stripped to Kill. The cast is a bunch of teenage by way of 30, bland, WBish cast offs (aside from the lone original film star to return, Amy Irving, who skews her general awesomeness with a phoned in banality) who blithely emote their way through on camera line readings.

    The plot is a thinly “gothitized” version of the original films (shades of The Craft influence the whole proceeding) in fact I’m willing to bet the movie was an entirely “original” film called ‘The Rage’ that was turned in to a Carrie sequel to bump up the potential profit. The direction is uninteresting, uninterested, and flat. And, the special effects (especially the CGI) are typical for the time period, horrendous. It’s not a movie you watch, it’s a movie you endure.

    3 years after The Rage left its musty stain in theaters (in 2002 mind you, 10 years ago) an official, made for TV remake was foisted upon the Carrie name (seemingly just because so many other King projects have been turned into mostly successful mini-series.)

    Carrie The Mini Series tells the same story as the De Palma version, in practically the same way, aside from the lack of style, and the non-linear framing device of the film, which jumps around the timeline and unfortunately comes from the book, and also adding back in some scenes from the novel that had been excised from the original film due to budget/time constraints.

    The direction from TV veteran (and Star Trek Generations) director David Carson makes Katt Shea’s handling of The Rage seem positively Fellini-esque by comparison; it’s flat, it’s dull, it’s lifeless. The cast is equally without consequence, practically faceless. Naturally, being a mini-series, it is needlessly long. And despite having more elements from the novel incorporated and more time to deal with it, the film seems empty and hollow, lacking even a tenth of the emotional validity of De Palma’s original.

    It’s not as bad as The Rage in terms of sheer awfulness, few things can be, but its excessive mediocrity makes it FEEL a lot worse.

    Now that all that back story is out of the way, we’re up to the soon-to-come new remake of Carrie (to be released in 2013.)

    As mentioned in my remake/rant article, I’m not opposed to remakes, there have been some great ones, the 1988 Version of The Blob, Philip Kaufman’s take on Invasion of the Body Snatchers and John Carpenter’s classic handling of The Thing, to name a few. But there is a trend as of late that churns my stomach to no end…

    Remaking a movie a scant few years after it has already been unsuccessfully remade.

    A recent take on this would be The Hulk. Ang Lee did one in 2003 that made some dough, but was pretty much hated, then they hit the reset button on it 5 years later with The Incredible Hulk (which also made some money, but was kind of given the “meh” reception overall.) Same thing with Invasion of the Body Snatchers; the original from 1956 is a classic, as is the previously mentioned 1978 version, the one from the early 90’s, Body Snatchers? Not so much… Then you have Nicole Kidman’s horrendous version (The Invasion) from 2007, and a forth coming remake of THAT.

    Why?

    I’ll tell you why… I know from personal experience and behind the scenes conversation with NUMEROUS industry big wigs and higher ups that most studios literally do not want anything new. They only want franchises, tested properties and tent pole projects. It’s not suspicion, its fact. No gay characters, no interracial romances, no messages, no sex, no nudity. It’s the Hayes Code all over again. Sure once and a while an indie film that’s of some weight will slip through the cracks, as will the occasional big film of some mild quality from an ‘auteur’ filmmaker (Nolan’s handling of the Batman series, for one.)

    But overall, there truly is a ban on original thinking. And, it’s sad.

    What can be said or done now, in film, that couldn’t have been said or done 5 or even 10 years ago?

    There are a ton of young (and old) screenwriters and filmmakers out there who’d be willing cut off their left arm to deliver an original script (or even an original knock off) for next to nothing. You could do 200 or more original films, or even knock offs, with decent low budgets and a couple “name” actors, for the cost of 1 John Carter. But no one is going to do that. Why? I dunno. Supposed ‘risk.’ (Granted I’d hardly call the 200+ Million Dollar write off known AS John Carter to be a NON-Risk, would you?)

    Chloe Moretz, a plain looking starrer of numerous things of little note has been cast in the title role of Carrie in the new film, it’s being directed by ‘classy’ filmmaker Kimberly Peirce (of Boys Don’t Cry acclaim, and Stop-Loss not so much acclaim) and scripted by a producer/writer who is best known for contributing a lot to Glee; and it sounds, at least from all that, that we’re going to get another exercise in cinematic water treading and banality like we did with A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Stepfather, The Hitcher and Prom Night (to name just a few.)

    I’m angry and I hate it all, but, I won’t bitch and complain anymore, I’ll just leave it at that… Oh and remind everyone of another resent remake/abortion… Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows

     

  • Headhunters – Review

    Headhunters – Review

    It’s all about reputation. Or so we’re told in the opening scene of Headhunters, a Norwegian crime thriller coming to cinemas in April. Roger Brown (Aksel Hennie) is a respected corporate headhunter, below average height and nothing special to look at, his life is a collection of status symbols: his car, his house, and even his wife Diana (Julie R. Ølgaard), a tall, svelte, blonde, supermodel-esque beauty. Despite his highly successful career his life is a carefully constructed web of lies and debt as he struggles to maintain his life of comfort, one he’s convinced is required in order to keep his wife. So, beneath the facade of his stylish glossy world, he hides a secondary career as an art thief, selling off the treasures in order to better provide the illusion of prosperity.

    The first thing that strikes you when watching Headhunters is that it’s extraordinarily droll, not just funny but suspenseful and quick-witted. Roger, facing mounting money problems, is thrown a life-line in meeting affluent businessman Clas (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) who, it just so happens, has a long lost Rembrandt hiding away in his apartment. Clas is the embodiment of Roger’s inadequacies about himself; he’s handsome, confident, charming, successful, rich – in essence all the things that Roger strives for. Whilst Roger is a consummate thief (he does have some help), he is not naturally violent or threatening and pitted against Clas, an ex-special forces and tracking technology expert, he is wildly out of his depth; to recall a scene from the movie he finds himself squarely in the shit.

    The movie progresses from one delightfully, and unexpectedly, hilarious scene to another, with escalating violence that is as preposterous as it is fun. Twisting and turning, we’re as unaware of who to trust, and of who is trying to kill Roger, as he is himself and as he runs from the relentlessly ubiquitous Clas, his priority shifts from getting away with the heist to simply surviving. Headhunters makes for very compelling viewing, a lot happens but it’s not rushed and there’s plenty of action keeping the story progression moving forward, not getting dull at any point. Often disturbingly violent the film counters this with the sheer hilarity of the situations Roger finds himself in, the movie blithely switches from a zany carefree tone to intense moments of cruelty and death, with Hennie playing a wonderfully endearing underdog for us to root for.

    As it builds to it’s crescendo the methodic, calculated, precision that Roger utilises on his heists is translated into the story as we’re shown exactly what we need to in order for a highly satisfying and very intelligent ending. A humorous, unconventional, violent take on the crime thriller, Headhunters is one to see for utter gratifying madness of it all.

    Headhunters is released in theatres April 6.

  • An Everyday Conversation Between Friends

    An Everyday Conversation Between Friends

    Yet again we are prepping for an episode of ’11 Questions with…’ This time it’s going to be a bonus sized edition with legendary filmmaker John Carpenter on Monday April 2nd 2012!

    So, as happened before the inaugural piece with the lovely Tuesday Knight, I’ll be doing a post a day until the big unveiling!

    This is a real conversation that took place between myself and my good friend (bosom buddy, if you will) Seb Talton on March 26th 2012. It is a fairly common example of things not only he and I discuss, but what I and my inner circle discuss in general.

    Are we sociopaths? No.

    Insane? Maybe.

    A touch morbid. Yes.

    Basically childish, in an inventive and exploratory way? Definitely.

    Either way, I THINK most of the time we mean what we say in jest… But… Sometimes not… In this case it’s in jest, but also serious at the same time.

    Also, to put this conversation in context, the boyfriend and I are going on a trip soon and I was hoping to buy Seb a plane ticket as well so he could go and visit a friend of his in the same area we’re headed to. That unfortunately didn’t pan out this time and naturally, it made him sad…

    DS: To make up for the non-trip that is now not happening for you (this time anyways) I want you to defecate on my breasts, right now! (Also, don’t be sadmad at me. For it is truth that I love you and wish to bare your children.)

    ST: You are a cutie, but I do not wish to make poo on your titties. And while yes, that did make me feel crying tears there were like a billion other things going on that day that made me just go “agsjfklfjkldfhsjkhdjksjhdhjk” so, don’t worry about it. No need to get pregnant over it. BESIDES, I feel MUCH better after watching The Lorax like twice in a row. I JUST REALLY LOVE THAT MOVIE!

    DS: But… Tit pooping… And, I know. You know I gonna make it up to you though. I am glad that Doctor Seuss related CGItized Zac Efron voiced imagery somehow managed to make you feel halfway better though.

    ST: Well… Also I found a dead squirrel on the drive home from the first showing and it’s kinda in a Ziploc bag now, in my dwelling. So that’s an upper I guess.

    DS: Kind of? That’s definitely an upper. What are you going to do with it? Cause I’d LOVE to see you turn that shit into fuzzy sunglass frames.

    ST: Well… to be honest… I want its skull (and possibly the rest of the skeleton just to have it and because it, y’know… would be there.) But, I’m not sure how to get it short of either A: Letting it rot. Which will take a while and cause a smell. Or, B: Just literally going in and cutting/tearing/pulling the skin and shit away from the bones. Which I’m quite sure I’ll make a mess of that I don’t want to make.

    DS: B is probably the best option (squirrels are notoriously easy to skin.) OR there is a drain cleaner they sell in most places, notably Wal-Mart, that is like pure Hydrochloric Acid (I THINK, might be another.) Anyways, it says it eats through “biowaste” including: flesh, tissue and etc. RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE, so you KNOW it’s legit… You could probably make easy dispose of the outer bits that way (but it might damage the bones.) Also, there is soaking it in bleach and drying/curing options too.

    ST: I’m not sure how to skin an animal though. I guess I could Google instructions… A step-by-step video on how to skin a squirrel? I’m sure the internet would have that… And, yeah, I think someone else mentioned using drain cleaner too. I wonder how much it would eat through though?…

    DS: I WISH I had recorded my Dad’s friend doing it the one time. Like… He literally just popped an average old hunting knife into one little spot on the belly, gave it a twist, shoved his thumb in and pulled off all of the fur and skin in one quick swoop as if he were a redneck Pyramid Head or something. (Granted you are left with the musculature on top of the bone then… but still, STEP ONE.) WAIT! I got it… Boil it. In theory it should make everything fall right off. It’d get rid of the under bits and the musculature too.

    ST: You want me to boil the road kill squirrel?

    DS: Yes, desperately so. If you really want to get at the skeleton… Boil the carcass.

    ST: I had better get a big pot then. If this doesn’t work I’m gonna be upset… Not at you or anything, just upset that I’ll have to wait and find another dead squirrel to try it with if it doesn’t.

    DS: Granted, I have never boiled a dead animal before, I am not Glenn Close… But I don’t THINK it’s going to mess up the skeleton of course. The squirrel itself isn’t gonna be very pretty after though. Plus… It’s gonna be really gross and it will probably require a lot of draining and reboiling to get it just right… Also, I have a pot you could use. It’s currently housing MY road kill Deer Skeleton that I was gonna turn into a Texas Chainsaw Massacre style prop lamp for something, on my back porch… You’ve seen it I think.

    ST: I was just going to use a cooking pot… Not sanitary, but THERE YOU GO…. Should not do that at all probably. Wait… Are you saying that after I boil it… does the skin and all just come… off?

    DS: Yeah… At least I’d think so. You can use my big pot. In fact we could bring it to you JUST for the sole purpose of this endeavor. But, yeah, anyways, in theory it should all just come off. Have you ever boiled a chicken (the one dead animal I HAVE boiled I guess)? Eventually, if you boil it long enough, the skin and meat just falls right off the bone.

    ST: Ok. Well… I would accept this pot gift. I just have the squirrel sitting here… But I mean, waiting a while should just make it easier, right? Albeit a bit smellier… I’ve never boiled chicken but I can kind of imagine it.

    DS: You can’t KEEP the pot forever though, as I plan on using it as some sort of witches cauldron/Sleepaway Camp reference thing at some point, but, long enough of course for dead rodent boiling. When can we bring it? Probably could come this afternoon after work… Also, could get some food perhaps. This conversation made me hungry. Taco Bell maybe?

    ST: Well my dad would be weirded out. Mainly just cause “Why is this giant rot iron pot here?” But rodent boiling is a necessity. However I am occupado this afternoon with stuff-n-junk, so food wouldn’t really be a thing. You could still drop off the pot though, but I’d feel bad not being able to hang out with you and such too. I COULD GIVE YOU THE SKIN FOR FILMS IF YOU WANT THOUGH. Gross.

    DS: Pass. Just let me know when you are available and we’ll just do it at my place. Thy will be done. And yeah, really, good on the skin having. Thanks for the generous offer though. I’d probably end up wanting to put it on my face and act like Hannibal Lector and that would result in me never getting to make sex again.

    ST: Shhhhh. Just don’t let Adam see you do it. It will be our secret special dance.

    DS: But he will see because you will take pictures and show him. And or I would be filming it… Also, may I use this entire conversation for Battle Royale with Cheese? I feel this is a keeper.

    ST: You may. I would be honored. Although we’re both going to come across as RAGING psychopaths.

    DS: Perhaps. Translation to text does often remove the “12 year old boys poking things with a stick” aspect of such discussions. But, it will be done. It must be done.

  • Random Nude Fighting Double Feature: Saturn 3 & Eastern Promises

    Random Nude Fighting Double Feature: Saturn 3 & Eastern Promises

    Yet again we are prepping for an episode of ’11 Questions with…’ This time it’s going to be a bonus sized edition with legendary filmmaker John Carpenter on Monday April 2nd 2012!

    So, as happened before the inaugural piece with the lovely Tuesday Knight, I’ll be doing a post a day until the big unveiling!

    Now, on with similar subject matter to yesterday’s post!…

    So, yeah… Saturn 3 (1980), not a great movie. Never has been.

    But, once every few years, when the moon waxes red, like shimmering crimson in the black of night I am compelled to watch it, like the salmon are compelled to travel up stream each spring to mate… and die.

    Farrah Fawcett’s hair is gorgeous in the film and her acting (even in this role) is far beyond what most gave her credit for at the time. Kirk Douglas is his usual sarcastic, capable self, but of course he and Ms. Fawcett have nothing to do. Same goes for poor poor Harvey Keitel, who is both wasted AND horribly dubbed over by a stiff British actor as the human villain of the film.

    The screenplay by original director John Barry (not the composer, this was the second unit director and effects supervisor for the original Star Wars films) and acclaimed (and excessively witty/ascerbic/cynical) author Martin Amis throws out some brief, fleetingly interesting ideas (an earlyish example of the “Earth is shit in the future” subgenre, the hydroponics station being located on Saturn’s 3rd moon which is covered mostly in water, and the basic idea of the food research station usurping this unique situation), but is overall flattened by behind the scenes tinkering to make the film more of an Alien clone.

    Replacement director (did I mention the behind the scenes problems?) Stanley Donen doesn’t know what he’s doing with special effects (slashed budget, unfortunately cheap-o effects,) suspense (although the infamous “eye cleaning” sequence IS wonderful,) science fiction in general or having such a small cast in tight quarters (they are relegated to endless scenes of running down corridors and crawling through ducts and the like, always brings to mind French and Saunder’s deliciously wonderful parody of Aliens.)

    HOWEVER, the production design of the Saturn 3 station itself is quite nice (I wonder if the folks behind the look of Kurt Wimmer’s Ultraviolet drew some inspiration here) AND the one thing the film is most remembered for, the 8 foot tall, semi-human in appearance, insanely evil and intensely menacing robotic antagonist, Hector, is astounding. Most people, myself included, hold the film in much, much higher regard than it warrants simply due to the presence of this mechanical nightmare that really shouldn’t be terrifying (thanks to his tiny, tiny head) but very much is.

    Oh, also, (at the time 64 year old) Kirk Douglas fights Harvey Keitel in the film… naked… Let that soak in for you. Farrah BARELY even pops a tit out, but Spartacus? Full pickle and saggy arse.

    Hence the title of the article. And it was THAT fight scene that made me wish to watch Eastern Promises (2007) again (I had seen it in the theater, love David Cronenberg,) but remembered nothing beyond Viggo Mortensen’s wonderful body, buns and cack… and something about Russian Mobsters or something.

    Really though? That’s pretty much all there is in the end… It’s one of those critically lauded films that I just don’t particularly see the wow factor in.

    The plot, direction and performances are all VERY sedate, TOO sedate for the subject matter. Usually Cronenberg’s clinical approach creates a unique and engrossing (also, typically disturbingly unflinching) experience, but this time around it’s more of a slow, steady, muddled lapse into a snooze caught on film. (Even the major twist, while decent in concept, is spoiled in execution.)

    It’s by no means a bad movie though, just a somewhat boring, meandering, relatively uninteresting one. (It seems to me almost as if Cronenberg was trying to make his own John Cassavettes type deal and then the two styles didn’t mesh.)

    The central message (I think) of finding hope, redemption and yadda yadda yadda in a frightening, violent and imperfect world; as well as the whole mob angle and moral grey areas were covered much more thoroughly (and entertainingly) in Mortensen and Cronenberg’s first team up, 2005’s A History of Violence (granted they had a staggeringly wonderful villainous turn from Ed Harris propelling that film along.)

    Eastern Promises is elevated, somewhat, by Viggo. He’s always watchable and affects the relatively go-nowhere part in the film with a slightly sparkling charm that accounts for a lot (not Oscar nomination worthy as it was, but…) and then there is the nudity.

    For a gay film viewer it’s always nice to see penis on screen (particularly from A-List , very attractive stars) much less for five straight minutes (during a wonderfully brutal fight scene in a bath house.)

    Granted I know Cronenberg was aiming for the discomfort button with the scene (since audiences are ALL profoundly terrified of male nudity it would seem,) but still, I thank him and Viggo for it.

    Also, to be of note, I do still look forward to The Canadian Horror Maestro and Aragorn’s next match up, A Dangerous Method coming soon (trailer looks brilliant,) if they can do it once, they can do it again.

    Saturn 3, 5 out of 10 unique uses for decapitated heads.

    Eastern Promises, 5 out of 10 graphic finger severings.