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For a film such as this, sugar coating a review with too many flowery adjectives and emotive metaphors is not a good idea. In fact, you sort of get the feeling that slasher aficionado and director of the 70s exploitation ode that is Dear God No! James Bikert (Better Off Bound, 1998 and Dumpster Baby, 2000), would be downright offended by any literary dodging of bullets. So let’s just come out with it. In the suitably direct and brutal nature of high school grading, Bikert gets a C. And whilst a C in school usually means you could’ve put more work in, in Bikert’s case it’s more like he shouldn’t have tried so damned hard.

It’s annoying that this film is only okay, as its potential, on paper, is massive.  Brought to the screen by Monster Pictures (responsible for the frighteningly brilliant Monster Fest) and Big World Pictures (responsible for the likes of, well, this), Dear God No! calls itself ‘retro bikers vs. Bigfoot’ circa 1976 which, lets be honest, sounds amazing. Centred on the activities of an outlaw motorcycle gang going by the deliciously obvious title ‘The Impalers’, the film follows these middle-aged leatherheads as they rape and murder their way into a tight corner before retreating into a secluded woodland cabin, which seems safe enough to them, but will clearly prove to be otherwise. Cue a bunch of basement-dwelling Nazis and more wincingly disgusting moments and flashing of naked bits than an episode of Embarrassing Bodies. The acting, script and postproduction is all spectacularly low budget and as monstrous as the characters behaviour and, with this in mind, any exploitation double feature fans should by this point be thinking they’ve stumbled across their perfect film. The only problem is that it isn’t.

Though the soundtrack is brilliantly befitting of its narrative, and the bikes and cars make even the most vehicularly-disinterested of people slaver at the revving of their engines, the film as a whole droops. Whilst the initial cabin scenes glimmer with the potential for sinisterly monotone-acted extreme cinema, the moment the bikers converge with it, all hope is somehow extinguished. It is as though the genre Bikert is so determinedly emulating was only ever described to him through textbooks and flow charts, and as a result the overall product is sort of formulaic. The excess is obvious, the shock-factor isn’t all that shocking, and between the unimaginatively expletive-riddled dialogue and extended close up shots of half naked dancers wielding tommy guns, it feels as though we’re watching a film made by a horny, frustrated fifteen year old starring his mates dads.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely not terrible, it’s just contrived. And for a genus celebrated for its derogative mindlessness and hedonistic rule breaking, there is so much focus on how it should look that it seems no one is really having any fun. Nonetheless, there are amusing moments, with enough blood, boobs and brutality to be sustaining, and the opening credits on their own make the whole film certainly worth a watch, due to a gleefully deranged scene involving nuns, guns and a sharp boot to the vagina that made this reviewer shudder. In fact, I will go as far as saying that I can’t wait for Bikert’s next cinematic endeavour, as Dear God No! is like a promisingly burnished chunk of rock which, in films to come, will polish down to reveal a big ol’ blood-spattered, intestine shrouded diamond. Or something.

Like I said, it’s a definite C. Just next time, Bikert, don’t do so much homework.

To call Midnight Son a vampire film would do the drama a disservice. Written and directed visual effects maestro turned filmmaker  Scott Leberecht the film follows Jacob (Zak Kilberg) a young man who lives a solitary nocturnal life due to a rare skin disorder. The narrative kicks off as Jacob’s condition begins to worsen. Almost like a superhero discovering his powers, Jacob struggles to comprehend or accept the changes in his nature. Jacobs internal conflict is the central driving force of the film and is played perfectly by Kilberg who captures the classic Jekyll and Hyde duality of his character. Underpinning the story of Jacobs transformation is his relationship with Mary (Maya Parish). From there first meeting there is immediate chemistry between the leads, helped in no small part by well written dialogue as the two get to know each other.

As Jacob’s condition develops so does his relationship with Mary, providing a perfect catalyst for his inner struggle. It would be easy to compare the themes within the love story at the centre of Midnight Son to another more mainstream series of films (which will remain nameless). However the dark, realistic tone of the film along with scenes of both emotional depth and extreme violence set it apart from its peers as a grown-up drama first and genre film second. It’s no coincidence that Leberecht’s tight, direct script only uses the ‘V’ word once. At just ninety minutes the drama moves at a brisk pace and while its refreshing to see a movie get to the point in an age where more and more films are pushing the three hour mark, the quality on show here only made me wish the film was a little longer. An extra half an hour to the running time could have helped flesh out some of the supporting characters and made the ending that much more dramatic.

A well-acted and well-directed spin on a genre thats almost been done to death Midnight Son offers a small personal story driven by horror and suspense.

The Last Days Of Dolwyn is a period drama that was written and directed by Emlyn Williams and originally released in the UK in July 1949.  It stars distinguished British stage actress Dame Edith Evans and, in his debut screen appearance, future Hollywood legend Richard Burton.  Set at the end of the 19^th century, the film tells the story of the villagers of Dolwyn, a tiny hamlet in a Welsh valley that is about to be flooded in order to provide Lancashire with water.  Matters are complicated by the fact that the agent responsible for persuading the villagers to sell up (played by director Williams) is an embittered former resident of Dolwyn who was hounded out of the village in shame after having stolen the collection money from the local chapel.

The film isn’t subtle instead opting to tug at your heartstrings in its depiction of bucolic working-class bliss threatened by grasping aristocrats; I’ve no doubt that life in a Welsh farming village at the turn of the century was a lot tougher than this film would have you believe.  Similarly, the obvious parallel of the unstoppable wall of water that threatens to engulf Dolwyn with the inexorable advance of industrialism is pretty heavy-handed.

The film reserves most of its ire not for the gentry but for the nouveau riche, represented by the agent.  His crime – which is evidently greater than that of the lords and ladies – is to have turned his back on his own: a class traitor.  In essence then it’s a pretty conservative movie, endorsing as it does the status quo, decrying ‘progress’ – pah, who wants clean drinking water anyway bach? – and doing its bit for nationalists everywhere.

That said there’s no denying Dolwyn’s charm or that of the villagers themselves although their innocence takes some swallowing.  A good example is this clip, in which Gareth (played by a positively adolescent Richard Burton) tells his mother and brother about his brief experience of Liverpool.

The Last Days Of Dolwyn – Dinner Scene

In fact, if you ignore the no doubt well-intentioned but actually rather patronising politics, there’s much to enjoy in The Last Days Of Dolwyn.  For one thing, the Welsh language – as spoken by what must have been every Welsh character actor working at the time – is a truly beautiful sound, to say nothing of the singing. Yes it may be another stereotype but it’s impossible to deny the stirring power of a Welsh choir, to the extent that even the hardened cynics will begin to wonder just what is being lost in the name of progress.

The Last Days Of Dolwyn – Welsh singing

For the most part, this is an engaging and gently humorous account of what even in 1949 was a vanished way of life.  Ironically, it also stands as a record of contemporary film-making techniques, in which regard it looks and sounds an awful lot older.  It seems incredible to believe that, across the Atlantic, Rebel Without A Cause was only six years away.

It would be remiss of me to review this film without making special mention of Richard Burton, who went on to achieve superstardom without perhaps ever reaching the artistic heights predicted for him.  In the last decade or so it has become fashionable to knock Burton, writing him off as a stiff as a board stage performer who did all his acting with his (admittedly incredible) voice.  Indeed, some even held that view while he was still alive, notably Montgomery Clift who said of Burton “That’s not acting; that’s reciting.”  However, I maintain that he was a truly great actor who needed the right material to highlight his gifts but rarely got it.  His early Hollywood career was something of a false start but for a period of about 12 years from 1958 he made some of the best and most interesting films going.

By Robert Mann, back in 2011.

The romantic comedy is a genre that has been struggling as of late, largely due to the constant output of mediocre product by the Hollywood filmmaking machine, but where Hollywood has often failed in delivering a truly charming and heart-warming romcom, Britain has quite often succeeded. Last year’s American movie Valentine’s Day didn’t work nearly as well as it should have done yet 2003 British film Love Actually, which followed a similar formula of multiple stories intersecting with one another, proved to be one of the most beloved and charming romantic comedies ever made;

Brit flick Wild Target succeeded in delivering an action comedy style film with a romantic twist while Hollywood efforts The Bounty Hunter and Killers completely missed their targets; and while many American comedies that feature lesbian characters represent them as some sort of vulgar joke, British romance Imagine Me and You simply delivered a sweet and charming romance that just happened to feature lesbian characters as its romantic leads. We Brits truly do know how to produce a genuinely sweet and charming romantic comedy and, unlike Hollywood, we don’t seem to forget what such films are really so supposed to be about – romance and sincere humour not sexual suggestion or lame gags. And now another British romantic comedy is hoping to join the ranks alongside those aforementioned films as well as other great Brit romcoms such as Four Weddings and a Funeral and Notting Hill. That film is Chalet Girl, Britain’s first snowboard romantic comedy – yes, you read that right, this isn’t just a romantic comedy but one with a snowboarding twist.

Rising stars Felicity Jones, who broke out with her role in last year’s Cemetery Junction, and Ed Westwick, who is probably best known for playing Chuck in TV’s Gossip Girl, take the two leading roles and are joined in the supporting cast by a number of recognisable British and American actors and actresses including Bill Nighy, Bill Bailey, Tamsin Egerton, Sophia Bush and Brooke Shields. Despite the ensemble cast and, unlike some of the great British romantic comedies I mentioned, though, the film doesn’t have the most immediately promising of individuals behind the camera.

Director Phil Traill’s recent screen track record is considerably less than encouraging, his 2010 Sandra Bullock/ Bradley Cooper comedy All About Steve only just narrowly avoiding making my bottom ten films for last year, although it is debatable whether the entire blame for that film can be placed at his feet or whether it was in fact the writer of that film who was responsible for how poor it was and Trail himself has received considerable acclaim for the four debut short films that he both wrote and directed – Hiccup, Flipped, Post and Dangle – and which not only won him awards but led to him appearing on the cover of Screen International as one of the “most exciting new talents emerging across the UK film industry”.

So, the director, who was born in and currently lives in America but was brought up in London and has worked there as a TV producer and director for many of Britain’s leading production companies including the BBC, does show promise as a director in spite of his Hollywood misstep from last year. Writer Tom Williams, meanwhile, has been writing full time since 2001 and has many projects optioned and in development but his only writing credits to date are three short films, Chalet Girl being his first feature length screenplay to get made into a film. Fortunately for both him and director Phil Traill than that Chalet Girl happens to be one of the best romantic comedies release in quite some time.

Kim (Felicity Jones) is a young girl whose dreams of becoming a champion skateboarder are thwarted when he mother is killed in a car accident. Continually traumatised by the events that took her mother’s life, she lives an aimless and depressing existence, working a job at a fast food restaurant which isn’t earning her enough to make ends meet and looking after her even more depressed father Bill (Bill Bailey) who would be completely lost without her. With money troubles coming down on them both, however, she accepts a well-paid job working as a chalet girl at a ski resort in the Austrian Alps. Heading out on her own and leaving her father alone for the first time since her mother’s death, Kim immediately feels out of place among her wealthy employers – banker Richard (Bill Nighy), his stuck-up wife Caroline (Brooke Shields), their son Jonny (Ed Westwick), his girlfriend Chloe (Sophia Bush) and her brother Nigel (Nicholas Braun) – and even her colleague Georgie (Tamsin Egerton) is quick to point out that she doesn’t belong there – she can’t even ski. Nonetheless, there is a spark between her and Jonny, a spark which soon develops into romance, much to the chagrin of Jonny’s girlfriend and even more so his mother, and Kim also discovers a new joy in her life – snowboarding.

With the help of the kindly Mikki (Ken Duken), she learns to apply everything she knows about skateboarding to the snowboard and soon is on her way to stardom as she prepares for a snowboarding competition that could change her life forever. But, with her mother’s death still weighing her down, can she really succeed and, just as importantly, can her relationship with Jonny really last?

After the many mediocre and downright awful romantic comedies that have come from across the pond in the last year, Chalet Girl is a real breath of fresh air. There are no pretensions that it is anything more than what it is – a light-hearted romantic comedy – and the film in fact embraces its light-hearted roots, at its core being a classic tale of an everyday girl and a wealthy guy falling in love and a very charming one at that. That said, though, this isn’t merely a film about a romance between a girl and a guy but also one between a girl and a sport that she loves and which gives her life meaning and purpose – the snowboarding aspect actually coming before the love story aspect, in fact, but the film being no less a romantic comedy as a result.

On both counts the film is a resounding success, the romance being truly delightful, extremely warming to the heart and actually quite believable – there is real chemistry between Felicity Jones and Ed Westwick but never once do we believe that Jonny and Chloe actually belong together – and the snowboarding aspect being inspirational and moving, us being encouraged to root for and empathise with Kim throughout the entire duration of the film. The storyline is extremely predictable and a lot of what happens is very obvious but everything is so charming that you really shouldn’t care – and then there’s the humour.

This is one hilarious movie. Delivering humour of a quintessentially British variety, this film manages to be funny in ways that have completely eluded most Hollywood romcoms as of late, the dialogue frequently being very humorous and often witty – “Is this man the head of some evil criminal empire?” Kim says, to which Georgie replies “He’s a banker” prompting Kim to comeback with “So, that’s a yes then?” – and the physical gags delivering many laugh out loud moments – also be sure to stay through the credits for some very funny outtakes. There are no lame gags to be found here and most of the cast members are on top comic form, Felicity Jones and Tamsin Egerton making a very funny and flirty double act, Bill Nighy – playing a former airline flight attendant, an important fact for one gag – getting one of the funniest moments in the film and Bill Bailey also getting plenty of moments to shine. In fact, the performances in general are hard to fault.

Felicity Jones is truly delightful and totally lovable as Kim, so much so that it is hard not to fall for her and want the film to have a happy ending – which obviously it does. Portraying her character as a very honest, sincere and fun loving person who is also traumatised by the circumstances surrounding her mother’s death, Jones also proves very able in the more emotional scenes, making us truly believe in her character’s sadness and empathise with her situation. She is completely flawless in the part and her chemistry with co-star Ed Westwick is the exact opposite of icy – it’s red hot unlike the chemistry Westwick has with Sophia Bush which really is icy – Westwick himself being a perfectly charming and charismatic romantic interest. Tamsin Egerton is also excellent, absolutely nailing her character’s innate flirtiness and the way she says “Poke me” in response to another character saying “I’ll put the photos on Facebook” is extremely seductive.

Simply put, she is the perfect casting choice for the role of Georgie. Other cast members don’t get as much of a look in – this is Felicity Jones’ show after all – but Bill Nighy and Brooke Shields still make for convincing rich folk, the latter being appropriately frosty. Also of note are cameo appearances by T4 presenters Miquita Oliver and Rick Edwards, British actress Jessica Stevenson and also real life snowboarder Tara Dakides. This is also a film that looks very good. The Austrian Alps make for a very beautiful backdrop to the film’s events and the snow covered settings add an almost magical quality to proceedings while beautiful cinematography by Ed Wild captures the landscapes in all their snow covered splendour. The snowboarding sequences also look great, all the moves being performed perfectly – at least after Kim has got past her early mishaps, which provide some of the film’s funny moments – and also very well shot, the angles being very well chosen to show the snowboarding in action.

The choice of a British pop soundtrack is also a great aspect, further cementing that this is a British movie. So, while Chalet Girl might not sound like a must see on movie or anything and certainly isn’t going to be winning any awards or that many great reviews from more hardened film critics, it is hard to deny that it is a delightful feel good movie that will leave you feeling warm on the inside. Director Phil Traill truly has redeemed himself after the debacle of All About Steve and, while this is not a film that is very original, it is so sweet and heart-warming that you would have to have a very hard heart not to be won over by it. Hollywood take notes – this is how a romantic comedy should be done.