When a technologically advanced civilisation threaten to enslave or banish Dug and his band of prehistoric buddies, the plucky young caveman challenges their enemy to a game of football to save his home and his friends.

We are lucky enough to live in a world in which Aardman exists. From Chicken Run to Wallace and Gromit, Shaun the Sheep to Creature Comforts, we’ve had decades of wonderful characters and memorable stories realised in gorgeous stop-motion animation with a quirky British twang. Sure, there’s been the occasional clunker but the outstanding works always outshine the weaker offerings.

Sadly, Early Man is one of those weaker offerings.

The sports underdog movie is a genre littered with classics, while the football underdog movie… not so much. Escape to Victory, Bend it Like Beckham, Vinnie Jones’ Mean Machine and Air Bud: World Pup now have Early Man to share their middling reputation. A movie so “by the numbers” that it feels like Aardman on autopilot, which when you consider the time and effort that went into animating it, is a terrible shame.

While bemoaning a clichéd plot in a children’s movie might sound mean-spirited, there’s the underlying fact that there is a wealth of outstanding animated fayre from Aardman, Laika, Pixar, Studio Ghibli and beyond that take a simplistic theme and embellish it with cinematic wonderment. I adore Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! and Curse of the Were-Rabbit because of their vibrancy and frenetic rhythm. Early Man has none of that urgency. It is sluggishly paced, blandly written and wastes most of its voice talents.

Poor Timothy Spall, Richard Ayoade, Selina Griffiths, Johnny Vegas, Mark Williams, Gina Yashere and Simon Greenall barely get a look-in as the displaced tribe of early people. Eddie Redmayne does his best with the well-worn dialogue while Maisie Williams’ accent(s) are enough to make you wince. The only roles that are delivered with any kind of gusto are Tom Hiddleston as Lord Nooth (the big bad), offering up a delightfully pantomime’esque performance, the ever-excellent Miriam Margolyes as Queen Oofeefa and Rob Brydon as a message bird.

As is expected, the stop-motion, clay animation is gorgeous but that alone does not earn this film a free pass. Early Man is Aardman’s first own-goal since Flushed Away. I’m sure very young children may enjoy it but there’s just not enough there to engage the big kids.

Early Man opens this Friday.

Go watch Coco instead. I cannot recommend that film highly enough!

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