Well, Peter Jackson this ain’t.

Not that I was a particularly big fan of his overly long and bombastic King Kong “reboot” (as the cool kids call it nowadays), but I have to admit it did, technically, soar head and hairy shoulders above this 1961 Kong edition. Still, although Jackson wins out in terms of minor details like acting, special effects, plot and dialogue, I can’t help but think Konga trumps him in terms of laughably camp charm.

Konga opens as it means to go on, with a ridiculous shot of a plane suddenly exploding in mid-air, the blurry orange flames appearing like a sticker being thrown at the screen by a drunken child. We learn that the plane contained Doctor Decker (Michael Gough), a famous botanist who, having been presumed dead in the crash, suddenly arrives in London a year later with an adorable baby chimpanzee clutched to his chest. This chimp – as you may have guessed – is Konga.

Dr Decker has spent the year in the Ugandan jungle learning the ways of a witch doctor and is now ready to bring his pseudo science to London. Apparently “merging plant and animal DNA” can bring about a sudden growth spurt (err, ok). Cue the cute chimp transforming (via some squiggly lines across the screen) into a man in a twenty quid gorilla suit, destined to do the bidding of the egomaniacal and psychopathic Dr Decker, who begins disposing of his enemies through ape asphyxiation.

I’ll be blunt: this movie is generally terrible. The special effects are appalling, the acting is wooden, plot holes are covered with overly deliberate dialogue (“incidentally, I was lucky enough to save my camera from the plane crash, which is how I got this footage”), and the finale is dull. Whoever is inside Konga’s gorilla costume has apparently never seen either an angry gorilla or any preceding King Kong movies, as his supposedly dramatic rampage through London looks more like a gentle, lumbering stroll.

In fact, I’d say that Konga has but two redeeming features. Firstly, Michael Gough (Alfred in the 1980″s Batman movies) is actually pretty believable as the deceitful, sleazy, egotistical Dr Decker, switching with ease between the character’s suave public persona and private psychopath. Secondly, there are quite a few so-bad-it’s-good moments – I snorted with disbelief when Decker shoots his cat in the head for lapping up some of the growth serum, and guffawed at the stilted dialogue between Decker’s college students (including the hilariously pathetic Bob, played by Jess Conrad, who introduces this DVD). Not to mention the NSFW carnivorous plants that fill Decker’s greenhouse.

Essentially, this is cult, ridiculous nonsense. It will never reach the peaks of a classic Kong movie, but it might just win you over with its nostalgic 60’s cheek.

Konga (1961) is released on DVD today by Network.

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