HELLO LADIES stars Stephen Merchant (The Office, Extras) as web designer Stuart, a bumbling Englishman who heads to L.A. in attempt to find the woman of his dreams, but who is half as charming as he thinks he is and twice as desperate. To celebrate the release of HELLO LADIES: SEASON ONE on Blu-ray and DVD from 25th May 2015 courtesy of HBO UK Home Entertainment, we take a look at the cringiest and most hilarious quotes from the season…
“Could we just have one night where we don’t talk about your failed marriage? Sorry, your failing marriage.”
-Stuart to Wade
“Do you have a nickname for the limo? I’d probably call it my best black buddy.”
-Rory
“Dating, mating, or masturbating?”
-Kives
Long Beach guy: “Give us your wallet, or lick my balls.”
Stuart: “Sir if I lick your balls, can I definitely keep my wallet please?”
Jessica: “Do you think it’s possible that you didn’t respond to it because it was a web thing, and that’s not really a medium that means as much to someone in their fifties?
Nicole Morgan: “I’m 43.”
Jessica: “…And you look great…”
“Happy with the 13-year-old Single Malt? I love 13-year-olds.”
-Stuart
Stuart: “I may only sleep with one woman a year, but you can guarantee, everyone’s talkin about her.”
Kives: “Like, there was that girl whose eyes were really close together, everyone was talking about her.”
“No I don’t listen to you, but can I suggest you close your sliders once in awhile? Because I can barely hear myself masturbate.”
-Stuart
Stuart: “What are you doing after this?”
Girl in Yoga class: “Moving in with my fiancée.”
Stuart: “Are you really? Yeah, well, wear the ring then, ‘cause you’re wasting everyone’s time at the moment, love.”
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